Of course the beginning of a new school year always makes me think about how things are changing in our family. A year makes such a difference, after all—this time last year, for example, my youngest was still in a crib and still taking a good nap every afternoon. My one middle schooler was starting his second year in the big school and feeling more confident about it all. My second was starting his last year in elementary school—his year to be a big fish. The other three were doing more of what they’d done the year before.
But this year, my youngest is in a bed instead of a crib, and doesn’t nap anymore, and will be starting school when he kicks his diaper habit. I have two middle schoolers this year, and the older one is playing a school sport, which is new for us. No. 5 is starting Kindergarten. No. 4 is making his first Confession and Communion this year—a big deal for our faith. No. 3 is the oldest of our kids at his school this year—the first time he’s gotten to be the biggest brother anywhere.
Because there aren’t any more naps, our late afternoons are a little freer than they have been for the last dozen years (though I still insist on quiet time when possible). Because there’s a school sport in the mix, there’s a different rhythm to our after school activities. Because I have a Kindergartener this year, it’s important to me that I walk him into school each morning to make sure he hooks up with his class without any problem, instead of dropping them all off at the door, which also has repercussions on getting the big boys to the big school on time (remedied by leaving the house a few minutes earlier). Because it’s a Sacrament year, I’ll be making sure to have some serious discussions with my no. 4. Because my no. 2 is a social butterfly, I predict this first year of middle school for him will be different than it was for my more reserved firstborn—in fact, I’m not really sure what to expect.
Adding into the changes in our family routine, I was recently thinking about long-term goals for myself. When I say “long-term” I’m talking about when I’m 45 or so; when I say “goals” I’m talking about professional goals—things I always had some vague idea of doing when the kids were older—and since I’m turning 40 next year, it all of a sudden doesn’t seem too soon to be thinking about it and planning for it. Which is crazy. As is the fact that, when I turn 45, my oldest will be just about to start his sophomore year of college. My second will be a senior in high school. My third will be able to work.
Despite always having had daydreams of how I’d spend my time when I didn’t have little ones at home all the time, realizing that it’s close enough to start making tentative goals and plans for it is exciting and devastating, all at once. Which is pretty much how I think of the back-to-school time every year.
Every year, it’s exciting to get the kids all ready for school with their supplies and backpacks and shoes. Every year, I make goals and plans for getting things done while they’re at school. Every year I’m excited for them all as they have new opportunities, new things they’re involved in, new levels of learning, more time with their friends. But each new year also means they’re all a year older, and our family is a year more removed from when they were all babies, which was intense and exhausting but sweet and straightforward.
A friend of my parents was remembering recently how unmoored she felt when her youngest went to college, which baffled her husband, who expected that she’d be thrilled with her new freedom and new time of life. “I told him to imagine how he’d feel if someone told him he could no longer work at his job—could no longer do the thing he enjoyed, that he was good at, that was a big part of his identity,” she’d said, and though I have quite a few more years to go before my youngest leaves for college, her words resonated with me. All the planning and goal-making really doesn’t fill the hole that’s gotten bigger the bigger and more independent my kids get.
So to all you mamas and papas who are similarly torn between excitement and devastation over the new school year and the future in general, here’s to a swift September! Let’s get past this confrontation with time moving on, and look forward to Thanksgiving, which is when I always finally feel like I’ve gotten the current school year under control and can be really thankful for the blessing of seeing my children grow and mature and start flexing their wings.
Kate and her husband have six sons ages 12, 11, 9, 7, 5, and 3. Follow her at www.facebook.com/kmtowne23, or email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
