Our Elders, Our Actions: Where Many Families Journey: Denial River

The definition of the psychological term “denial,” as stated by Merriam-Webster, is “a condition in which someone will not admit that something sad, painful, etc., is true or real; a psychological defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality.” You know who you are, and I am going to do my best to shed light on the topic of denial before it’s too late. Snap out of it! What do I always preach: “Don’t wait for a crisis to happen before you take action.” The longer you wait, the less choices you have to consider as options and golden opportunities. In some cases, when a family first receives a diagnosis of a chronic disease, denial is common place for a short term. Most families need time to rap their head around the hand they were just dealt. They need time to process their thoughts and emotions. Understandably so, but then what, and better yet, when should you take steps in dealing with the concerning issues at hand? It is a process, a process of sorting out your many thoughts, emotions, questions, concerns and fears. I am not saying this is an easy task to approach, on the contrary. It will take a small village to manage the changes that will be occurring in the near and distant future. This is just part of the reason why so many families journey down Denial River. They really don’t want to deal with it. It’s not pleasant, it takes tremendous time and energy and in some cases confrontations you would rather avoid with family members. Denial will just prolong the inevitable; it allows enough time for you and your family members to get caught up in the ever-changing turbulent currents of eldercare management. So let me ask you these questions: Are you afraid of what lies ahead? Are you fearful that you will not be able to manage the care of a spouse or loved one? Would you just rather not deal with it? What is at the root of your denial? Managing care is a job, a big job, and not many of us are trained or educated about eldercare management until it is thrust at us at the speed of light. Then we need to figure it out real fast and hope we get it right. Am I right? Yes I am. I know for a fact because my brothers and I experienced it first hand with my father, as do most of my client families. Why aren’t there classes or workshops to prepare us for this job that is handed to us without being asked if we want it or not? Well, there are, but we’re so busy with life and getting lost in the current going down Denial River. Who has time to explore all the possibilities? Would you know the right ones when faced with hundreds of options? If you’re stuck, I get it! But please reach for a life preserver and seek professional help. There are many wonderful resources for families today. This is exactly where I help families. I consult, guide, navigate and hold your hand through what you may see as daunting and unchartered territories. Pointing you in the right direction and introducing you to proper resources depending on your specific needs. The sooner you reach for the life preserver, the calmer the waters become. Instead of tubing down Denial River, opt for the smooth and steady cruise ship with the unlimited options; this doesn’t have to be daunting. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Allow yourself time to breathe and regain your life back. Don’t let denial ruin your opportunities. The longer you ignore the situation you are faced with, the more challenging and heartbreaking it will be when you are inevitably forced into making decisions and provisions that are dictated to you. Denial—the river of fears and tears. Clare Colamaria founded A Senior’s Choice, LLC. in 2009, helping families with eldercare management throughout the Capital Region and beyond. For more information call Clare at (518) 424-2527 or visit her website at www.aseniorschoiceonline.com.