Sheryl Sandberg, COO at Facebook has recently written a book, “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead” where she explores what is keeping women from rising to the highest echelons of power. This mother of three and amazing business woman has observed:
“We hold ourselves back, in ways big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in.”
Yes, I agree with everything I heard and I really do believe that as women we need to assert our confidence and abilities and not shrink from them. Despite some detractors of Sandberg, who think she is giving advise that is not realistic to the average woman, I do agree that, too often, we don’t stand up for ourselves, as we can and need to do. And, I also really believe it doesn’t need to be huge acts such as Sandberg has accomplished, but can start with smaller, everyday actions.
So here’s a question to get us started:
Why do we continually apologize for simply existing or being who we are?
Both during and right after some wonderful presentations at International Women’s Day, I heard women apologize for things that do not require, in any way, an apology. Right there, in an event about women’s power! During one talk, an amazingly brave woman who was sharing some very difficult and stressful times, became teary—appropriately teary—most of us in the audience had our own makeup compromised. And she apologized for her tears.
Then, as I was making my way through a throng of women, I squeezed past one woman, brushing her lightly, and guess what? She apologized for being there—just for being where she was! She hadn’t stepped on me or pushed me. She was just standing there. If we don’t stop apologizing for being just who we are, how do we stop apologizing for the larger choices we make that are right for us, but may get criticized by others?
I’ve noticed this before and thought about it, yet it seemed so glaring at an event where, we, as women, are talking of how to claim our power, to stand in our own light and let it shine. So let’s think about it:
How can we do this?
How can we expect others to respect our power, our rights or simply respect us, when we so easily apologize for things that require no apology?
My challenge to you is to see how often you do this and please work to stop it, and when you see another women apologizing for no reason, point it out.
Then, and only then, can we begin to stand in our own light—when we no longer feel the need to apologize for the light itself.
