School starts for my boys and many (most?) of your children next week, and I know many families who have already started.
My back-to-school pieces in past years have tended toward tips and tricks for a smoother beginning of the school year, or sometimes verklempt pieces about how fast time goes. There seems to be little room for those topics this year, though, as we’re all grappling with other concerns.
From what I’ve seen among my own family and friends, as well as on social media and in the news, there are parents who are eager for their children to return to in-person school, and parents who are scared for their children to return to in-person school. Some parents are choosing to keep their children home and utilize whatever virtual options are being offered by their school, or are choosing to fully homeschool, while other parents don’t have a choice, whether because their schools aren’t offering it or because the parents’ jobs don’t allow the flexibility for their preferred choices. I know parents of children with special needs who are scared for the unavailability in many places of the services their children need to succeed, and scared for the risk to their children’s health posed by receiving those very services. I know teachers who can’t wait to get back in the classroom, and teachers who are terrified to do so; the same can be said for the students. I don’t think any family with school-age children or teachers are untouched by worry about this upcoming school year.
I thought I’d offer two thoughts that have been helpful to me as I try to remain mentally and emotionally healthy in the midst of all the worry. First: a delay in the kids’ educational path isn’t the end of the world. This is something I can start freaking out about if I think about it too much! I’ve really loved the pace and direction of my children’s lives thus far. It’s been easy for me to plan and prepare for each step of their development, because it’s all been laid out neatly: elementary school, then middle and high school, grade by grade. Extracurricular activities and sports at the youth level, then modified, then JV, then Varsity. Academic opportunities, PSAT and SAT prep and test taking. College visits and applications, then college itself. Then adulthood, with all its jobs and relationships and fulfillment of so many of the things I’ve hoped for them. I don’t do well with uncertainty—I definitely like to know what’s coming and when—so this past spring, when it was unclear at first whether the school year would be able to finish normally, or if everyone would fall behind, I tried to stave off panic. What will life look like for my kids if the normal flow of things is interrupted?
Around the time that I was at peak panic, back in early spring, I’d been reading up on a particular psychologist named Mihalyi Czikszentmihalyi because of his theories about tapping into what he calls “flow” (that feeling of being “in the zone” when working on something—something that I often can’t find just when I need it!), and in reading about his work I came upon more personal information about himself. I was amazed to discover that he’d had to flee Budapest with his family as a child during World War II because the Russian soldiers were coming (the bridge over the Danube blew up right after his train crossed it), and that he and his family had lived in a refugee camp for a time. Of course his educational path was derailed, and he wasn’t able to start college until he was twenty-two; even then, he had to grapple with language, cultural, and financial challenges. And yet, he went on to be incredibly successful and respected in his field, and married and had children as well. Reading about this man living through things much worse than my family and I have had to, and for much longer, has given me some much needed perspective and peace.
The second thought that’s been helpful to me is that what’s going on right now is not only happening to my children. The fear of “falling behind” begs the question: “Falling behind whom?” Local peers? National peers? We know that students, teachers, administrators, and families locally and across the country are all dealing with new guidelines and protocols, worries about their own health and those of their loved ones, and uncertainty about how the school year will proceed despite everyone’s best efforts. Whatever difficulties or delays we encounter this academic year will be encountered by all of us, everywhere. I find great solace in the thought that, despite our differing opinions about how best to proceed, we are, truly, all in this together.
I very much hope and pray and that the 2020-2021 school year sees an end to this pandemic and a return to the best parts of “normal life” for all of us: hope for our children and their futures; peace for all the adults trying to keep everything on track; good health for all, including the most vulnerable.
Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 15, 14, 12, 10, 8, 6, and 2. Follow her at www.facebook.com/kmtowne23, or email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
