This extreme picture of having the blues or being bogged down with worry can lead us into the forest of avoidance and denial, causing us to minimize the depth of our feelings and struggles. We get into a pattern of avoiding the small ache within and we began to normalize the feelings of sadness, disappointment or worry for the future.
Much of my daily practice is working with high functioning adults who report feeling ‘BLAH.’ Think of a gray day that is neither sunny nor stormy: just a cloud cover of grey that appears to linger for days, and sometimes months, at a time.
This type of mood results in a person who goes through the day-to-day motions of life without really connecting to any one person, place or thing. Every day becomes dull and repetitive, resulting in the daily thought, “Is this it? Is this all I have to look forward to?”
We are meant to experience each day with a sense of enthusiasm, joy, passion and enjoyment. If you are waking up day after day not really feeling happy or sad, it’s time to stop accepting this as normal and dig deep within.
Oftentimes when I question my clients on their mood they can become very defensive and uncomfortable. It’s not uncommon for me to hear the response, “I have a great life, wonderful spouse, good job, healthy children…..I feel bad that this is not enough. Why can’t I just be happy with this?”
The first step to dealing with your ‘blah’ feelings is to remove all judgment. Whenever we fail to accept our feelings at face value, we block the healing process.
If you came to me and said, “I feel so bad I just can’t shake this feeling of guilt,” and I replied, “That’s awful—don’t feel guilty, you have nothing to feel guilty about,” my judgment and response would immediately shut down the communication between us and leave you feeling even more guilty and frustrated.
Whatever it is you feel: bored, sad, guilty, ashamed, irritable, angry, hopeless—own it without judgment. A feeling is neither good nor bad—it is simply how you feel.
We must be willing to admit and own our feelings without having to over-explain or judge why we feel the way we do.
One of the best gifts we can give ourselves and others is to accept feelings without judgment. Instead of feeling bad for how you feel, simply admit the feeling and give yourself permission to feel like crap without any shame.
We must think of our feelings like a GPS system. They are there to guide us into experiencing peace of mind and clarity of spirit. A general, dull ‘blah’ feeling is a call to dig deep and figure out what the root of this feeling is.
If you are going to work everyday experiencing a lack of joy, then this ‘blah’ feeling is calling you to explore a different path.
If you wake up every day questioning the relationship you are in, have the courage to speak up and make the changes you need to get on track with a fulfilling love life.
I work with many individuals who are terrified of admitting they are unhappy in their current romantic partnerships. If you feel ‘blah’ in your relationship, stop avoiding the feeling and hoping it will get better. I have seen many individuals avoid this truth only to act out in ways that result in feelings of guilt, shame and self-loathing.
Take responsibility for your happiness and get honest with yourself and your partner.
The result of avoiding our feelings over time leads to a grumpy disconnected person who feels restless, bored and lost in life. You don’t have to feel suicidal and be hospitalized to experience bouts of depression in your life.
I can recall a particularly difficult time of transition in my life that left me feeling like I had a lump in my throat every day. I was able to function, go to work, enjoy time with family and friends—but I could not shake the feeling that at any moment I would tear up unexpectedly. I avoided the feeling for a few weeks thinking it would magically go away and that this was just a period of adjustment. After a month I decided I needed to seek some counseling and figure out the root of the feeling.
I can honestly say I never knew how ‘blah’ I felt until I started to feel better. I can remember saying to a dear friend on a beautiful day, “Everything is so colorful.”
All it took was a few weeks of working through my feelings to feel a turn in my mood.
You don’t have to be hiding under the covers in your bathrobe to seek help for the blues. Be honest with yourself about how you are feeling and get the help you need to get on track.
The simple act of talking out your feelings with a trusted loved one, mentor or therapist may be all you need to help you move forward and release the ‘blah’s.’ Don’t let gray days become the norm, take responsibility for your health and make some room to let the sunshine in.
Wishing you sunshiny days, today and always.
Ms. Lemery is a psychotherapist practicing in Glens Falls and Saratoga Springs, N.Y. Visit meghanlemery.com or email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. for more information.
