Thursday, 07 July 2022 14:42

Down Time is the Worst Time

By Katherine Morna Towne | Families Today

We’ve had several events recently in which we all had to be dressed nicely and leave the house at a certain time to ensure that we arrive at the event on time. (The fact that some of these events were related to my oldest graduating from high school is something I’m not ready to talk about yet except to say the school did a fantastic job of wrapping up high school for the seniors — they were given a wonderful sendoff, it was just a perfect way to wrap up this era of my son’s life and the life of our whole family. Also, this mama currently feels like she’s drowning much of the time in memories, and sadness at what’s over, and excitement about what’s to come. If you hear loud sobbing at various times of day, it’s assuredly me.)

Anyway, given that we had more than the usual number of events recently that required nice outfits and leaving at a certain time — outfits that I had carefully chosen, washed, and laid out for everyone, and departure times that I had carefully calculated — I had more than the usual number of opportunities to remember what an absolute disaster it is to have any amount of time between when each son is ready to go and when he has to get in the van for the actual departure. Have you noticed this with your children? This is how it inevitably plays out in my house (I should preface it by saying I’m mostly exempting my older boys from this exposé, as it does seem that once they hit twelve or fourteen or so, they’re more capable of doing all this without causing problems): 

“Time for everyone to get dressed!” I announce loudly (my children might use the word “yell”), and after they all ask where on earth their clothes might be (despite the fact that they’re exactly where I always put them), they all get themselves dressed (my youngest still requires help from me or my husband). Then there’s the discussion about what shoes to wear, and can they wear white socks, or do they have to wear black, and do they have to brush their teeth, and me yelling about making sure they’ve all gone to the bathroom. But then, if I haven’t chosen the exact perfect moment to start this whole process, there ends up being a few minutes between when the boys are done getting ready and when we have to leave, which is just the worst. If I wait too long to start the process, then we’re in a panic and stressed and I yell louder and start to sweat, but starting the process too early is just miserable, because then there’s Down Time.

Down Time is not a good time when we have somewhere to be and especially when we have an appearance to maintain (by “appearance,” I mean “not overly rumpled/wrinkled/messy.” My bar is set fairly low, but it does exist). Down Time often involves (1) wrestling, (2) somersaulting on the furniture, (3) poking each other, (4) deciding that something that belongs to your brother is the exact and only thing you want to have in your hands at this exact moment, (5) arguing/teasing/yelling — basically bothering and mischief-making of various types. (And if you have really little ones, as I did until not that long ago, it also usually involves a diaper blowout at the moment you’re trying to walk out the door, or pulling off one’s socks and shoes and tossing them about the room, or a baby screaming from the chair/bouncer/pack-and-play they’ve been put in while you desperately try to finish getting everyone ready, including yourself. Being past that is one thing I’m grateful for about having bigger kids!)

It really would be nice to not have to stick to a schedule that needs to be followed to the second, and you might think the TV would be the savior here — put on a nice show for the children for a few minutes and they’ll sit quietly and not cause trouble, right? Except, that’s wrong, and I still don’t know why — so often I worry about the glazed expressions they sometimes get in front of the TV, but when I could actually use a little of that zoning-out, it’s nowhere to be found. It must be that the excitement of going somewhere just amps them up too much.

The only thing that I’ve found that really keeps the schedule and the children fairly smooth is sending them out to sit in the van as soon as they’re ready. My kids have assigned seats in the van, and those seats have seatbelts that they’re required to put on once they get in, so generally speaking the van is a good place for them to wait. Also, if they bother each other when in the van, I can’t hear it, so I’m able to retain some of my mental peace and focus. The problem with this is that I can’t have them sitting in the van for too long for safety reasons (weather concerns, strangers passing by, etc.), so I find that it really is necessary to have the whole process planned down to the second. Fortunately, it’s a challenge that I feel mostly up to — figuring out the best timing of everything is something I think I’m fairly skilled at. 

Of course, now that summer has started, a particular form of this challenge has reappeared: how to get everyone in bathing suits and sunscreen in such a way that they’re not rolling their sunscreen-slicked selves all over each other or the furniture or in the dirt while Hubby and I try to finish up everyone else and ourselves. The van doesn’t usually help here, since we’re usually doing this to go to water that we can walk to, so we all tend to be in bad moods by the time we finally set off to go swimming. I haven’t yet figured out a good solution to this, other than do it all as fast as possible — if I come up with something better, I’ll let you all know! 

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 17, 15, 14, 12, 10, 8, and 3. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

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