Preparing Your Family for A Successful Year

Back to school preparation can be stressful not only for children, but for parents.  The weeks leading up to the start of a new year can be stressful, anxiety provoking and emotionally draining.  The difference between a good transition from summer to the beginning of a new year is preparation.  Let’s start this year off from a proactive, clear platform versus a reactive and chaotic one.

Check Your Attitude:

If you are a parent who feels overwhelmed and stressed out all the time chances are you are passing this way of coping and handling things on to your children.  Often times if you appear stressed about the back to school shopping, summer reading list and the transition from junior high to high school, your child is going to emotionally ingest your attitude and feelings.

Take a step back and take the time you need to get things organized for the start of school.  Don’t wait until the last minute to get ready as this will cause tension and chaos in your home.  Ask for help if you need it and take it one step at a time.  Having a calm and practical attitude will help your child feel more secure in the winding down of summer.

Year in Review:

Again, it is so important to start the year off from a proactive place rather than reactive.  Sit down individually with each of your school age children and review the prior school year.  What worked?  What changes do you need to make it a better year?  New alarm clock?  Earlier bed time?  Lunches made the night before?  Make a plan with your child about the proactive changes you will be making to the New Year.  Don’t wait until things fall apart to come up with a plan, do it now and go over the new plan with your family.  Recognize that you are helping them develop the skills they need to be able to successfully live on their own when they leave the nest.

Set a Goal:

As you review the changes you are going to make for the coming school year, help your child set a goal.  Do they need to work on being more outgoing?  Would they like to try a sport or work on getting better grades?  Whatever the goal is write it down with your child.  Help them make a “mission statement” of intention about the new school year.

Writing down your child’s intention helps them to mentally prepare for the year and start out from a place of empowerment and confidence rather than anxiety and stress.

Goal setting is a skill that helps children in any stage of life and encourages them to take responsibility for their actions.

Family Meeting:

As the school year starts it can often be a very stressful time for families.  Different schedules, sports, clubs, play dates, etc., can make for a long and hectic day.  Take time at least once a week to sit down and have a pow wow with your family.  Let each person talk without interruption about what is upsetting them this week or what went really well.  Take the time to check in with each other and make the changes necessary to keep the peace and organization in your home.  Don’t wait until things get busy, overwhelming and chaotic.  A weekly family meeting helps everyone feel heard and respected.  Families that have dinner together and take time to check in with one another are less likely to have children who struggle with low self esteem, peer pressure and drugs and alcohol. 

Checking your attitude, reviewing the previous school year, setting goals and having weekly family meetings can all help set the stage for a phenomenal year for you and your family!

Wishing you a healthy and happy start of the school year!

Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA.  For more information email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

The dating game can be an exhausting, fear filled experience that leaves you feeling discouraged and hopeless. Having good boundaries and tools to navigate the nuances of the dating world are key to dating from a place of confidence versus fear.

The first thing you have to have when you decide to get out there and mingle is a thick skin.  Do not take rejection personally, rather, recognize that finding the right person for you means that you like yourself and think you are a great catch.  If someone doesn’t return your call or rejects your offer for a date,  give a prayer of thanks knowing that you are one step closer to meeting the person that IS the right one for you.  

Do not drive yourself crazy analyzing why someone didn’t call you or want to see you again; simply give yourself a pat on the back for being so brave and awesome and MOVE ON.

You are not desperate and you don’t have to settle.  Before you get an online profile or put yourself out there, do the work you need to do to like and accept yourself.  This is the BEST gift you could ever give yourself and your future partner.  Dating with confidence means that you really love and accept yourself.  You know who you are, what your gifts and talents are and what areas you are focusing on to grow and learn.  You aren’t afraid to be yourself and you will not alter who you are to accommodate someone else.  Make the commitment to love and honor yourself so that you can date with confidence.

If you have low self-esteem and are struggling with deep seated issues of self-loathing, do not start dating.  Get the help you need to heal so that you can be the partner you want to be.  When you date from a place of fear and desperation, you will attract the wrong people into your life and the cycle will continue until you learn to treat yourself with respect, kindness and love.

Intuition is key during the dating process.  Trust your inner GPS to guide you and alert you if something seems off with a potential partner.  Never override your intuition to accommodate someone else’s dysfunction.

I work with many individuals who say they have trust issues.  Often times they are told by the person they are dating they are “crazy” or have a trust issue.  More often than not it’s not you with the issue, it is your intuition trying to get your attention and alert you that the person is not being honest with you.  Trust your intuition over someone else’s opinion of you.

If you are seeing someone who has an ex-spouse and talks despairingly about their ex, pay attention.  Never spend time with someone who spends more time talking about their past than their present.  Someone who is stuck in the past is a sign that the person is emotionally unavailable and unable to be a healthy partner.

Anytime someone talks about their ex and refers to them as “crazy” is usually a red flag.  This is often a sign that the person has some crazy traits in them as well.  A mature, stable, emotionally available person will not give you all the gory details of their past break up.  They will simply say it didn’t work out and move on.  Don’t make the mistake of wasting your time with someone who is bitter about their past.

Another red flag to be aware of is the “nice guy.”  If someone consistently tells you, “I’m a good guy, you’ll see…” this is usually a sign that they have manipulative qualities and most likely an anger issue.  An authentic genuine person has no need to convince you they are good, they simply prove it in their everyday actions.  A person that feels the need to tell you how wonderful they are usually has some sort of agenda and they will put pressure on you to get what they want.

A great way to get a sense of someone’s character is to pay attention to how they treat wait staff.  I can remember going on a date with someone who ordered a bottle of wine.  He rudely told the waiter it was spoiled, then proceeded to order a different bottle and send that back as well.  The waiter tried to politely explain that the wine was fine and my date stood up from the table and demanded the dinner be comped. Needless to say, there was not a second date.

 People will reveal to you what kind of character they have if you pay attention closely.  Don’t be so preoccupied with making a good impression that you forget to evaluate if the person has a solid character. Pay attention to how they treat others and how they talk about their friends and family.  This will help you identify red flags quickly and easily.

The dating scene can be very stressful and exhausting.  Make sure you keep a sense of humor and don’t take yourself too seriously.  Recognize it takes courage to put yourself out there.  Have fun and don’t second guess yourself or overanalyze every piece of the date. Trust yourself to be able to know who is a good catch and who you need to walk away from. Know that you are worthy of a healthy, loving, emotionally available partner.  Don’t spend another minute doubting yourself and putting yourself down. Make the decision today that you will, above all else, commit to loving and accepting yourself, imperfections and all.  You don’t have to be perfect, but commit to being YOU perfectly!

You are worth it!

Meghan Lemery Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA.

How are you feeling these days? Are you stressed out and overwhelmed? Do you find yourself annoyed and frustrated at the same people, places and things over and over and over again? 

Do you remember the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? He lives the same day over and over and over and over again in frustration, anger and exhaustion.  When he finally comes to accept the circumstances of his life and confront the problem, he begins to enjoy his life and POOF, he wakes up to a NEW DAY.  I think, for most of us, we all have a little bit of Groundhog Day within us.  Rather than fix the problem, we want to dwell in the circumstances that bring us down and keep us anchored in unhappiness. Let’s face it, dwelling in our problems and never focusing on the solution keeps the drama alive and well.

The key to problem solving is to identify the problem and move on toward a strategy for a solution.  Without a strategy we stay stuck in the quicksand of the circumstances that are causing us stress and anxiety. 

Step 1 — IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM:

It’s the same scenario every year, your mother-in-law shows up at the latest family gathering and makes friendly “suggestions” about your cooking skills.  You go to bed with your mind racing of all the things you will say to her next time you see her and dial your bestie to let her know how offended and hurt you are by your mother-in-law’s actions.  If you feel anxious, frustrated, upset and drained, there is a problem that needs to be identified.  Be clear about the problem and take responsibility for your feelings about the circumstances that are upsetting to you.  Give yourself five minutes to be emotional and vent and move on to effective problem solving.

Step 2 — KNOW
YOUR OPTIONS:

Your mother-in-law is who she is, and the truth is, you have three options to work with.

—  Accept her for who she is and make a personal decision to not let her rattle your cage.  Realize that people who criticize others are coming from a place of insecurity and it is not a personal attack on you.  Hurt people hurt people, you don’t have to take it personally.

—  Confront her in a calm, clear, honest and direct way to let her now how you feel about her “suggestions.”

—  Continue the cycle of insanity in which you react with complete shock and horror when she dishes out her suggestions.  Then, complain to all of your family and friends and continue the drama over and over and over again, aka GROUNDHOG DAY!

The great thing about solving a problem is there are always options.  Once you identify the problem, give yourself room to sort out the options and trust your instincts to lead you in the right direction.  What works for some may not work for others so pick the option that works best for YOU.

Step 3 — TAKE ACTION:

This is where the rubber meets the road.  You’ve identified the problem and listed your options and now it’s time to take action.  This is the hardest step.  The truth is, most of us like the drama of our problems and the thought of actually moving forward and addressing our issues can make us feel like we will lose our victim identity.  If you patch things up with your mother-in-law what will you talk to your best friend about?  Sometimes we keep our problems close to us because they give us an identity and lots of attention.

If you start to move on to the action phase of solutions and feel anxious, recognize that this is very normal and a part of the process.

Talk it out with someone you trust and let them know how uncomfortable you are about taking action.  Get the support you need to step out of the quicksand of dwelling on the problem. 

Resist the urge to go back to step one and dwell on the problem.  This only creates drama and increased anxiety.

Don’t live in Groundhog Day one more minute! You deserve to be happy and free of the drama in your life.  Identify the problem, know your options and take action!

Wishing you solution based living today and every day!

Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA. 

Fill in the blank.  “I’ll be happy when _____.”

The list usually looks something like this: Lose weight, make more money, own a home, find “the one,” pay off debt or retire.

Once you accomplished your goal did you give yourself a chance to breathe and appreciate your success?  Did you look back at your journey and allow yourself to see the progress you made and how hard you worked to get what you wanted?  Did you stop to reflect on how all of the resources you needed came together to get you where you wanted to be at the right time?

I would like to think we all stop to enjoy the victory in meeting our goals; however, I think most of us immediately move on to the next goal without giving ourselves permission to stop and enjoy the present moment. 

The very thing we identify as the happiness cure becomes forgotten and we raise the bar of contentment a little higher.  We convince ourselves that this blank will be the thing we need to quiet our souls and calm our spirits.  

This constant DIS-EASE is exhausting and leads to a never-ending search for fulfillment.  The truth is inner peace and contentment in the now— a spiritual practice that calls us to pause and simply BE.   This practice is one that takes time and tremendous patience as we learn to stop the madness of seeking outside things for inner fulfillment.

When we can learn to be in the present moment, regardless of our circumstances, we can learn to rest and experience a quiet peace in everyday life, versus the undercurrent of anxiety that we experience by being consumed with meeting the next goal in the future.

Any spiritual book that you pick up speaks to the power and importance of taking time to give thanks and live in the present moment.  When we allow gratitude to infuse our hearts we feel calmer, more connected to spirit and less neurotic in general.  

Take a moment to look back at your path.  Allow yourself to reflect on all of the wonderful things you have accomplished and the ways in which you’ve grown emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally.  

Take a minute to think of the influential people that have showed up to push you along the way and give you the resources you needed be it in the form of encouragement, wisdom, opportunity or support of any kind.  

Giving thanks from the simplest of gestures to accomplishing the big blanks helps keep us grounded and gives us perspective.  How will you ever enjoy what you have if you never stop to give yourself the time and space to enjoy it?

Setting goals is a healthy and necessary part of life; however, don’t get so consumed with being better that you forget what it is like to be.

I have talked to many clients throughout the years who have held on to waiting for circumstances to change in their life before they will be happy.  There is an anxiety that is ever present and they are never at peace with themselves.  The key to inner peace is being able to be content in your inner life no matter what the outer circumstances of your life look like.

When you feel the constant pressure and anxiety of trying to meet your next goal, stop and tune into the moment.  Be aware of what you see, hear, feel and smell.  Simply tuning into your senses will help keep you grounded and safeguard you from anxiety.

If your goal is to lose weight and you have a specific size or weight you would like to be, the worst thing you can do is obsess daily about how to get to that goal.  A more effective way to reach your goal is to focus on being present with your body daily.  Trust yourself to make healthy choices and move your body in a way that leaves you feeling rejuvenated and refreshed, not exhausted and grumpy.  Staying true to the present moment helps you reach your goals in a healthy way that will teach you the skills you need for long-term success. 

When you make time to tune in and give gratitude for the present moment you will feel your spirit lift and experience a general calm in everyday life. 

Don’t fall into the trap of being consumed by whatever goal you have ahead of you.  Recognize each and every victory and take a moment to give gratitude for where you are. Recognize that guilt is rooted in the past, anxiety is rooted in the future and peace is rooted in the present moment.

Pay attention to your thoughts and shift gears back to the present moment when your feelings are rooted in negativity. 

Wishing you peace in the present today and always!

Meghan Lemery Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA.  For more information email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Learning to Speak Your Truth

Do you suffer from anxiety?  Do you often wonder why you are always anxious and uneasy?  Do you find yourself unable to relax and feel as though you are disconnected from everything around you?

While most say this is an anxiety issue, I say this is more of a feeling problem.  People who suffer from extreme anxiety are usually unable to process and express feelings in a healthy way that leads them to problem resolution.

Anxiety is the body’s way of letting us know we have to express our feelings more clearly.  When we avoid our feelings and let them build up over time we will likely start to experience anxiety in every day life.  This avoidance sounds the alarm system in our bodies to let us know we are out of balance and that we need to stop and examine our feelings.

For many people the concept of processing feelings more deeply can be a very uncomfortable topic.  Expressing your feelings can lead to feeling very vulnerable and weak.  If you were never taught to express your feelings in an open, honest, direct manner than it can be a terrifying experience to do as an adult.  

When we avoid the truth whether it is to ourselves or to others we will experience an undercurrent of anxiety.  If the avoidance continues the anxiety can grow into experiencing panic attacks or developing a phobia. 

Don’t settle to live with anxiety, stop and get to the root of your feelings.

Whenever you start to feel the anxiety creep in, stop and go deeper.  Ask yourself what you are feeling in that moment.  It can sometimes help to sit down with a pen and paper and write down words to describe what you are feeling.  For example, scared, sad, hopeless, hurt, uncomfortable.

When you investigate the anxiety on a deeper level you can get to the root of the issue and move forward in a more peaceful state.

Many people who suffer from anxiety tend to be people pleasers.  They work very hard to make sure everyone else is comfortable and happy and they simply ignore their needs and wants.  This self abandonment leads to anxiety and anger that develops into a passive aggressive personality.

People pleasers tend to be very uncomfortable stating what they want and what they need.  They say yes when they mean no and instead of being direct they act out in passive aggressive ways to let you know that they are not happy.

If you are someone who falls into this category recognize that nobody wins when you put yourself last.  You denying your truth does not protect people from being disappointed it only leads to chaos in your relationships.

When we develop the people pleasing personality we somehow learned that our feelings were not valuable.  Perhaps the root is growing up in a dysfunctional household where you had to bend over backwards to please a difficult self-absorbed parent.  Perhaps you live with a spouse who has a mood disorder and you find yourself walking on egg shells to keep the peace.  

While in the moment this tactic may work, over time you will feel exhausted, anxious, angry and hopeless.  Do not accommodate someone else’s dysfunction at the sake of your health emotionally, physically and spiritually.  Learn to communicate directly and honestly regardless of how the other person reacts.

The price you pay for trying to keep the peace only leads to a bigger problem down the road.

I have worked with many individuals who state, “I hate conflict, I will do anything to avoid it.”  What this means on a deeper level is I will deny my truth and twist what I believe to avoid any discomfort.  While you may think this is a really wonderful personality characteristic, it is a quality that will only lead to greater conflict and again, drama in all areas of your life.

Conflict avoiders walk around with tremendous anxiety because they never really feel comfortable stating their feelings in a clear direct way.

Remember, while it may be uncomfortable, the best way to truly avoid conflict is to state how you feel in a direct way.  While the other person may not like what you have to say, they will no where you stand.  

One of the first things my new husband and I had an issue with was people pleasing.  I would ask him if he wanted to go to the store with me, or see a movie, or go out for dinner.  He would respond yes, if that’s what you want.  Then he would act like he would rather be watching paint dry. 

He wanted to make me happy and was afraid to tell me he would rather do something else (people pleasing).

We made a rule that he has to say no when he doesn’t want to watch Lifetime movies all day or discuss deep burning emotional issues.  He really is getting good at this; the other day he told me what he really wanted was to watch the game for a few hours in silence uninterrupted.   While this was pretty much torture for me, I respect him telling me clearly what he wants and what he needs.  

His desire to please me and let go of his own needs and wants only led to more conflict and confusion.  While I hate to shut my mouth and be put in time out, I recognize his needs being met make him a better partner in every way. 

Remember, anxiety is always a sign that you are overriding your feelings and most likely trying to please others and avoid conflict.  Don’t wait for your relationships to fall apart or for your body to shut down, get the help you need to learn how to process your feelings and communicate directly.

Write down your feelings, talk to a therapist, read books on how to get comfortable owning and stating your truth.  Have a strategy in place to help you learn the skills to live a life of peace and truth-anxiety free!

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Wishing you uninterrupted game time today and always!

Meghan Lemery Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing at Sunpointe Health in State College, PA.  For more information email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.