Living with a moody teen can take over the entire emotional climate of your home causing everyone in family to feel like a hostage to the person in a bad mood.
The best way to help your teen through the difficult days and to maintain the balance of peace in your family is to approach your parenting technique in a proactive way, versus a reactive way.
I cannot stress enough to the parents I work with the importance of consequences for bad behavior. If you have a teen who treats you with disrespect and rules the mood of the home, you have sent the message that this behavior is acceptable. A house that has no clear rules is a house where your teen will be in charge.
A highly anxious, moody teenager is often the result of a home that lacks clear boundaries and consequences. While we all buck at structure, the fact is, rules and expectations keep us feeling safe and secure.
I hear from many baffled parents whose teens are angels in school and the opposite at home. Run your home like a classroom by making the rules and expectations in your home clear, as well as the consequences for breaking the rules.
A very effective consequence is adding a chore. Whether it’s cleaning the basement or detailing your car, adding an activity is a far more effective way to send the message than taking away an electronic. The combination of the two sends a clear message that you will not tolerate bad behavior.
A proactive parent is far more effective than a reactive one. If your home feels chaotic and the teens are in charge take a step back and review the rules of your home. Be clear with your teens and let them know exactly what you expect. This will immediately clear any tension and negativity in your home.
In addition to proactive parenting, one of the first things I ask the parents and/or teenagers I work with is about their eating habits. I worked with one such teen that was constantly angry, had no ability to focus in school and was struggling with self-harming thoughts. She was on some very powerful antidepressants and medication for anxiety. When I asked her about her eating habits she told me she loves PopTarts, soda and pasta. The result of this poor diet was debilitating anxiety and depression. She had no idea that this was most likely the root of the problem.
Some of the most common side effects of a poor diet are major mood swings, anxiety, rage, an inability to cope and sometimes even thoughts of self-harm. A diet high in sugar will cause a rollercoaster effect on your mood. Look closely at your pantry and get rid of high sugar foods. I have watched teens do a complete turnaround in their mood simply by eating a more balanced diet and eliminating high sugar foods. Meeting with a dietician can also be an excellent resource in helping your teen mellow out their moods.
In addition to a good diet, our teens need to move! One of the best ways to manage mood swings and anxiety is to work out. Get your teen off the electronics and to the gym. Sign up for a zumba class, yoga, or encourage your teen to be active in a sport. Physically moving naturally manages your blood sugar and produces the feel-good chemical of endorphins.
Your teen needs healthy self-soothing tools that they can incorporate into their adult life. Help them get on the path early so that they will succeed when they leave the nest.
Nutrition and exercise are two of the easiest and most natural ways to help your teen feel more in control of their moods.
The next base I cover with the teens I work with is their room. Research shows that teens who have a room that is an unorganized mess are more likely to struggle with anxiety and depression. They are also less likely to get a good night’s sleep.
Set the expectation that a disastrous room is not an option in your home. When I ask the teens to go home and clean their room, they usually give me attitude and lip. I simply encourage them to see how they feel with a clean room versus a messy one. I ask them to chart their mood and let them do the research on their own—I have never had a teen come back and tell me it made no difference.
A clean space allows us to feel safe and secure. Help your teen get their rooms organized and clean—the result will be a better mood, improved grades and better sleeping habits.
The next culprit for a moody teen is too much TV, electronics, or video games. This constant stimulation increases anxiety and sets the stage for a teen that will fly off the handle easily, so make sure you have clear times set up for when it’s time to turn everything off. Too much of anything knocks us off balance, and cutting out the electronic stimulation for your teen can help even out the mood.
Don’t go another day feeling hopeless or held hostage by the mood of your teenager. Set clear rules and consequences, clean out your pantry of junk, get moving, tidy up your living space and turn off the boob tube. These very simple techniques are enough to get your teen back on track to feeling healthy emotionally and physically.
If none of these techniques improve the situation, call me or take them to the mall.
Wishing you homes filled with happy teenagers who have good attitudes always and love to do chores without being asked.
Ms. Lemery is a psychotherapist practicing in Glens Falls and Saratoga Springs. Please email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or visit www.meghanlemery.com for more information.
