We observe Lent in our house, which refers to the six weeks before Easter, starting with Ash Wednesday. It’s meant to be a time of fasting and prayer in preparation for celebrating the most holy time of our faith calendar, thus mirroring the forty days Jesus spent in the desert praying and fighting off temptations as told in the books of Matthew, Mark, and Luke in the Bible. We are currently finishing up the second full week of Lent.
Catholics traditionally give up certain things that we enjoy during Lent, as you might give up unhealthy foods if you’re training to run a marathon, or give up watching late-night TV the week before a big test. These self-imposed restrictions help us turn our minds and hearts toward Easter; they help us “get healthy” spiritually.
For children, the idea of “giving something up for Lent” has predictable and often hilarious results. Are there any Catholic children who haven’t joked (in all seriousness!) that they’ve decided to give up school this Lent? Or homework? Or doing their chores? Each child thinks they’re the first one to think of this, and each child just about dies laughing over it. My four-year-old understands more this year than he ever has, and thinks his brothers’ crazy ideas about giving up eating vegetables and giving up going to bed early on school nights are the funniest things he’s ever heard.
Then there are the children who take the idea of Lenten sacrifice very seriously and try to make it as hard as possible for themselves and tell me that they’ve decided to give up their very favorite things. Except, when your very favorite thing is milk, I’m not going to let you give it up! Nor when you want to give up reading, or going outside to play. Even things like “giving up movie night with the family” aren’t okay with me — things that are good and healthy for the mind, body, soul, and relationships are, in general, not included in the list of the things that children should be giving up, as far as I’m concerned.
As long as they don’t want to give up good and healthy things, though, I don’t generally mind if my big boys decide to make Lent extra Lent-y. I’ve had boys decide to give up all TV, for example, and video games, and non-school computer-related stuff, and it’s definitely hard for them! I admire their struggle and find it inspiring for my own efforts. It’s always interesting, though, that with these hard decisions comes extra considerations: if you give up TV, does that mean *all* the things that are on the TV screen? Or just shows on cable? What about movies? Does Netflix count? What about YouTube? Can you sit in the room with the TV on as long as you don’t look at it? (My four-year-old, after he’d finished guffawing at his brothers’ jokey ideas, told me he’s giving up TV. I told him *absolutely not*.)
Even when the kids give up the “normal” things for Lent, I still find them tweaking their chosen sacrifices throughout the first week or two. Does giving up dessert mean all dessert? Or maybe just candy? (They always seem to figure this out just at dessert time — especially when cookies are on the menu.) But then, does giving up candy mean all candy? Or maybe the boy really meant non-peanut butter candy? (This is always figured out just when Reese’s are being passed out, amazing.) But after the first week or two, things settle, and the boys are resigned to the fact that there will be times over the next few weeks until Easter that their chosen sacrifice is extra hard — which is the whole point.
Then there are Sundays, which are a little bit controversial. Some people believe that Sundays are not technically a part of Lent; as a result, many Catholics will have what they gave up for Lent on Sundays. Others, however, find this to be terrible! Weak! In this, there is no teaching (other than the Sundays of Lent are, indeed, part of Lent), so to each his or her own. But I will tell you that in my house we’ve always done “the Sunday thing” — had the thing we gave up on Sundays — so on Sundays there is a lot of “I can have dessert today, whee!!” and trying to finagle extra dessert because of it: “But I haven’t been able to have any dessert all week and everyone else could!” Or, “I can play video games today, so I should have the first turn, since everyone else was able to play yesterday and Friday!”
I don’t really mind the search for loopholes and the tweaks — it’s so human! And I so appreciate the willingness to grapple with this hard thing and find a way to do it, rather than refuse to do it at all. It’s like that saying attributed to G.K. Chesterton: “If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing poorly.” And in doing it, over and over, one will get better at it! Or so I remind myself as I break up yet another squabble over whether or not it’s unfair to have the TV on at all when one member of our household has given it up for Lent. Sigh.
Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 18, 16, 14, 13, 11, 8, and 4. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
