Managing Summer

I wrote about our daily summer schedule in a column twelve years ago. I remember so clearly the day that inspired me to institute the schedule — it was the last day of school, which was a half day; I had just come home from picking my school boys up from school (at that time it was just my older two, who had just finished second grade and Kindergarten); in addition to them, I had a three-year-old, two-year-old, and five-month-old; everyone was going bananas and I felt like I was losing my mind. And it wasn’t even the first full day of summer vacation! That day I put together a daily schedule that I stuck to pretty closely all summer: the kids that were old enough went outside in the yard after breakfast until lunchtime, followed by quick baths, then lunch, then inside playing/read-aloud/errands until naptime, then dinner prep, dinner, after-dinner playing, and bedtime. It saved me that summer, and many summers since.

Our summertime daily schedule has changed in some big ways since then, since the big boys have summer jobs and I work part-time in the summer and the little ones are old enough that I don’t need them to be outside all morning for me to get things done. Some other things going on in our summers that we didn’t have back then include swimming lessons, visits to the lake, and getting my older two ready to go to college at the end of the summer.

But there are several things I do still try to enforce, for all ages as much as possible (though my oldest is an adult and my second will be shortly), that hearken back to those early days. One is cultivating boredom. The experts all say it’s a good idea for kids to be bored with some regularity. In an article on the Child Mind Institute web site called “The Benefits of Boredom,” author Gia Miller reveals that boredom “helps kids build tolerance of less-than-ideal experiences … develop planning strategies, problem-solving skills, flexibility and organizational skills … [and] fosters creativity, self-esteem and original thinking.” (https://childmind.org/article/the-benefits-of-boredom/) Even if the experts didn’t say so, I would say so, since I’ve seen over and over again that being bored leads my kids to engage in more imaginative and more creative play, and leads them to be able to entertain themselves better, which, in addition to helping them become more capable kids, was so important for me all those years when I had a small baby who needed me more than the bigger kids. 

Another thing I still encourage (more than require at this point) is outside time. My big boys get enough, between their outdoor jobs and outdoor sports, and we go to our favorite lake a lot during the summer, which often means full days of fresh air and sunshine (my youngest fell asleep on the couch two minutes after coming in at the end of such a day recently, such good exhaustion!), but I often still shoo the younger boys out to the yard when I’m trying to get something done inside and they’re underfoot. I’m usually met with complaints — “It’s too hot!” “It’s too buggy!” “There’s nothing to doooo!” — and they might spend a good few minutes when they first get out there draped all over the porch step or the ground as if they had no energy to do anything, or (worse) coming back in to ask twenty times if they can come in yet, but it doesn’t take long before they’re playing and climbing and getting dirty.

Another thing I insist upon during the summer is restricted screen time (by which I mean personal screens: video games and computers [that kind of usage isn’t allowed on the phones]; we all enjoy shared TV time and movies). My general rule about video games is one hour per weekend day per child (which, admittedly, often turns into extra turns and bonus turns, sometimes attached to having done extra chores, sometimes to just have some peaceful time for Mom and Dad!), but during the school year I never waver on my ban on them during the week. Monday through Thursday there are no video games allowed. During the summer, I’m a little more flexible, as rainy days can be especially hard. My middle- through high school boys also have their own devices for school, which I do allow them to use during the week, though the rule is no more than one hour per day. I find this to be much harder to monitor, and I often catch a boy on his computer who says, “Ummm … I don’t know?” when I ask how long he’s been on it. But I’m consoled by the fact that just having the mindset of restricted screen time results in far more restricted screen time than we would have if I didn’t have this mindset. 

I also make a lot of time for reading. The big boys have summer reading requirements for school, and there are a few books I’ll read aloud: Charlotte’s Web and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for my littlest guy (and anyone else who wants to listen), Harry Potter and Wonder for the bigger kids. Once we’ve finished a book that has a movie, we’ll watch the movie, which is always a nice way to end one story and move on to another. Though I start every summer reading Charlotte’s Web, this was the first summer my youngest was old enough to pay attention all the way through and really *get* the storyline and details. When we watched the movie and Charlotte waved goodbye to Wilbur for the last time at the end of the fair, my sensitive boy cried and cried. Such a sad and tender moment, but it also gave me such a feeling of joy as a lover of stories that my boy’s heart had been touched and that we were able to share that (because, of course, I was crying too!).

Now that we’re nearly halfway through July, we’re firmly in summer, and I hope you’re all making the most of this time off from school and the hot weather like we’re trying to! (When I write again next month, we’ll be gearing up to go back to school, gah!)

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 19, 17, 16, 14, 12, 10, and 5. Email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.