Grieving: Lost Loved Ones, Jobs, and Lifestyle
Loss comes in many forms, and during the last several months, some people have experienced nearly all of them at the same time: a loved one, a job, and even our way of life. All of our plans, pulled out from under us like the proverbial rug, and we have no idea when some form of “normalcy” will return.
Loss comes in many forms, and during the last several months, some people have experienced nearly all of them at the same time: a loved one, a job, and even our way of life. All of our plans, pulled out from under us like the proverbial rug, and we have no idea when some form of “normalcy” will return.
You may not realize it, but some part of you is likely grieving. Grief is a difficult emotion, to say the least—especially because, as a society, we talk so little about it. It is expected you will grieve the loss of someone close to you, which is particularly difficult in a time of so much upheaval. But it is important to give yourself permission and space to grieve any and all losses. You can’t move on until you move through it. And—you can’t do it alone.
More often than not, grief needs to be witnessed. Healing begins through sharing that pain out loud, to be heard and recognized and validated. While some moments of being alone can help you process your feelings, too much isolation can be detrimental to your ability to move through your grief to heal. Try reaching out to someone you trust and talk about what you are feeling.
People who have lost loved ones during this pandemic may also have lost the support of having family and friends around them. COVID requires isolation to avoid infection, so many people grieve alone. In some cases, they could not be with their loved ones while they were ill and could only see them virtually during those final moments.
Funeral services are required to be smaller today, to avoid potential COVID-19 exposure. Some people struggle with that, feeling they have dishonored their loved ones by not doing more. This added layer of regret and guilt exacerbates the grief, even though none of it is their fault.
Others feel guilty because they did not lose someone, they lost something—a job, weekly gathering of friends, being a part of a sports team, or the college dorm they had called “home.” They feel they don’t have a right to be sad, that these things don’t warrant grief. Not so. These are still losses in our lives, and losses cause grief. It is important and healthy for you to cry and release the feelings created by such losses. Avoiding or stuffing these feelings can only make things worse.
Be gentle with yourself. People tend to be hard on themselves, thinking they aren’t doing things right or should be “holding up better.” Give yourself a break. Grief is hard enough. It’s more important to focus on how you are than how you “should” be. That’s why it is so important to look for comfort and support from others when you are grieving.
For adults grieving the death of a loved one, I host an online Grief Support Group through Saratoga Hospital on the first and third Wednesday of every month from 6 to 7 p.m. The group discusses various topics involving this kind of grief, with time for participants to share whatever is on their mind about their loss. To receive the virtual meeting invitation, please call 518-886-5210.
Good grief work also includes releasing your feelings even if someone else is not around, through crying or writing your feelings down. A grief journal can be a powerful tool, something you can turn to at a moment’s notice, when your thoughts and feelings are hanging heavy on your heart. You can:
• Write about the person, place, or thing you are missing;
• Express your feelings in whatever form makes the most sense to you, be it poetry orfinger-painting;
• Let go of perfection and just feel, no spelling or editing necessary; and
• Don’t hold back. You will have done the good grief work in the writing, even if you shred the pages when you’re done.
For additional resources on grief of all kinds and other behavioral and mental health concerns, talk with your doctor and visit the Saratoga Hospital website to learn about our Behavioral and Mental Health services. Learn more at SaratogaHospital.org.