Sister-Friends as Mothers

One of my godsons received his First Holy Communion in Pittsburgh at the end of April, so two of my big boys and I drove down and back over the course of a weekend. While it was kind of a big deal that I was able to go on such a trip (away for two nights!), and that the children I had with me are much closer to adulthood than to little boyhood (with all its travel-related stressors), the thing that I really want to point out in this article is how amazing it is to see women I knew when they were much younger and totally carefree as moms.

My godson’s mom is one of my dearest friends. We lived on the same wing my sophomore year in college; we studied abroad and traveled around Europe together; she was a bridesmaid in my wedding and is the godmother of one of my boys. We were college kids together, and now we’re moms together. Since I don’t see her that often due to distance, it was striking to me to see her bringing her son to the bathroom in the church before the Mass began, cleaning the frosting off his face after he ate his celebratory cupcake, reminding him to thank me for coming. Who is that amazing mom?!

Another of my dearest friends, who shares many of the same experiences and memories as the friend mentioned above, and who was also a bridesmaid in my wedding and is the godmother of one of my boys, recently took a day trip with her son and daughters for a college visit to Siena. One of my boys and I met them there and were able to spend a great afternoon together, walking around campus and eating in the dining hall with them. Not only was it so strange for the two of us, who met in college, to be walking around campus with our kids, who are basically the same ages we were when we met, but also to be walking around our own alma mater. I can’t remember ever thinking when we were students at Siena that twenty-five years later we would be walking around Siena with our own kids. And being such moms! Making sure our kids knew where the bathrooms were and commenting on the natural light in the dorms and pointing out all the things that were different from when we were students (much to the kids’ annoyance, I’m sure).

My best friend from childhood (who, yes, was one of my bridesmaids and is the godmother of one of my boys) doesn’t have her own children but works with and cares for children from birth through fifth grade and has more knowledge and experience than many parents I know. There aren’t many people that I would unhesitatingly entrust my children to, but she is one of them. It’s easier for me to see her in her role now because we grew up together and we have both always loved babies and children, so I’ve always seen this side of her. We both grew up in big families and are the oldest daughters, so having little ones around and helping take care of them was life. Even still, remembering her as a kid during our growing up — our sleepovers and school days and summer swimming, experiments with makeup and suffering through Cross Country together and angsting over boys — and seeing her now with the car seats in her car, hearing about her days full of diapers and playground outings and how she knows about the movies and video games that so enthrall my own boys, is pretty cool. We met up the other night for dinner and I was really struck by the privilege it has been to have grown up with her and to be growing older with her, and our shared love of little ones and how beautifully she mothers her charges and my own kids is part of the glue that holds us together. 

I’m not only amazed to see my friends as moms, but also to see my baby sister as a mom. I’m eleven years older than her — older enough that I carried her around with me the way she does with her own babies now, and the way that I do with her babies, too. That tiny girl, the baby of our family, has two little boys of her own. That teen who helped watch my own boys when my husband and I went out for date nights now asks me to come stay with her boys while she and her husband go out. I have so many pictures of her holding my babies during her growing-up years, and now my photo reel has shots of me holding her boys. Bananas! (I’m sorry, I have to say it: she was also a bridesmaid in my wedding and is godmother to one of my boys.)

I’ve written many times about my mom, my mother-in-law, and my grandmothers for Mother’s Day, so it seemed right to focus on my sister-friends this year. Though I only mentioned four of them here, it was more because I had recent interactions with them that were on my mind, and I only have so much space in this column. I don’t mean to exclude any of the other amazing women in my life, especially my other bridesmaids and godmothers of my children! They’re all amazing and I love and appreciate each one. This I need to say more for my own mom than for any of my friends and sisters reading this, I’m sure, because Mom will read this and fret and worry that someone will feel left out. That’s what moms do, after all, and she’s one of the very best. Happy Mother’s Day to you all!

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 19, 17, 15, 14, 12, 10, and 5. Email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.