Adoption: More Than One Story, More Than One Conversation
November is National Adoption Month, an opportunity to learn more about adoption and the many people whose lives it touches. Its roots date to a Massachusetts adoption awareness week in 1976, followed by National Adoption Week in 1984 and a monthlong observance in 1995. The effort began by drawing attention to children in foster care who needed permanent families. Today, the national campaign continues that focus, particularly for teens, while November also encourages broader conversations about adoption.
For some Saratoga readers, adoption is a possibility they are beginning to explore. For others, it is part of their family, friendships, or personal history. Its reach is considerable: the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption’s 2022 U.S. Adoption and Foster Care Attitudes Survey, conducted by The Harris Poll, found that 40% of U.S. adults had a family member or close friend who was adopted.
That makes adoption relevant to conversations throughout our community, in families, schools, workplaces, and everyday relationships.
My husband and I chose Saratoga Springs when we relocated in 2011, and we have loved raising our three sons here. As a mother and aunt through adoption, I have experienced the joy of building a family this way, while continuing to learn about the distinct experiences and questions adoption can bring.
My extended family and friendships also include many adoption connections, each with different experiences and perspectives.
If you know one adoption story, you know one adoption story.
Two birth mothers, two adoptees, or two adoptive parents may have similar experiences, or very different ones.
Parents through adoption navigate the same everyday joys, challenges, milestones, and questions as other parents. We also parent through an additional lens: adoption. Learning about that lens helps us consider how our children’s beginnings, relationships, identities, and experiences may shape their lives.
Adoption has evolved significantly over the decades, but some familiar assumptions have not kept pace. For much of the twentieth century, private adoptions were commonly closed, with little or no contact or identifying information exchanged. Today, most domestic infant adoptions involve some degree of openness, which may include sharing information, photographs, letters, or time together.
Every situation is different, but every family can encourage openness in conversation: talking honestly about a child’s beginnings, honoring their history, and welcoming questions as they grow.
The way people think, feel, and talk about adoption can change with age, development, experiences, relationships, and milestones. Adoption is not a one-time conversation. It is an ongoing dialogue that takes different forms throughout life.
Families come together through domestic infant adoption, adoption from foster care, international adoption, and kinship adoption. Within each path are individual stories shaped by different circumstances, relationships, and experiences.
For anyone beginning to explore adoption, an adoption professional or attorney experienced in adoption can be a helpful first point of contact. They can explain available paths, answer initial questions, and provide guidance about laws and procedures, which vary by state.
Beyond those first steps, I encourage prospective parents and parents already raising a family through adoption to ask:
What can I learn from adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents?
How can I honor my child’s beginnings, family history, and cultural heritage?
How can I make our home a place where questions and curiosity are welcome?
What support might our family need over time?
These questions invite us to think beyond how a family begins and toward the relationships we will continue building.
Like many life experiences, adoption can bring different feelings at the same time. Love and joy can exist alongside sadness or grief related to separation, loss, or unanswered questions. Understanding begins with acknowledging these feelings without judging them as good or bad.
Conversations need not always be formal or difficult. A children’s book, a photograph, or a school assignment can offer a natural opening. Sometimes, when someone chooses to share, the most helpful response is simply, “Tell me more about that.”
We can listen with curiosity, ask thoughtful follow-up questions, and acknowledge what we do not know. We can offer invitations without pressing for answers and remember that personal details are someone’s choice to share.
Friends, relatives, and educators can help in practical ways. Teachers can adapt assignments that ask for birth photographs or biological family history. Family, friends, and co-workers can welcome questions and listen to how each person describes their own experience.
My graduate work in applied positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania deepened my interest in how conversations strengthen relationships and support well-being. That connection is central to my BEACON Communication Model, which offers a practical way to begin with someone’s story, explore meaning, acknowledge strengths, connect, remain open to possibilities, and navigate forward.
Through my work with SoulFilling, LLC, I aim to broaden the adoption conversation and make it more natural, meaningful, and ongoing.
This November, we can recognize how adoption has evolved, appreciate the many ways families are formed, and remain open to the different stories and experiences adoption holds.
If you know one adoptee, you know one adoptee. If you know one birth mother, you know one birth mother. If you know one adoptive parent, you know one adoptive parent.
There is always more than one story, and more than one conversation.
Francine Apy, MAPP, is a Communication Strategist, People & Culture Consultant, Author, and Creator of the BEACON Communication Model, which she teaches in workplace, family, and community settings. Her children’s books reflect different ways adoption can appear in stories: Brianna’s Brave Day at School, based on a true story, addresses adoption directly, while Dream Dream What Will You Dream? includes a subtle acknowledgment through the adoption symbol.
For adoption resources, information about her books, or details about BEACON, visit FrancineApy.com or contact Francine@FrancineApy.com.











