“Mothering Boys”

This article from six years ago made me laugh out loud when I re-read it. We are still dealing with cultivating gratitude here in our house! We as a family and each of us individually have so much to be grateful for, which I hope my children always remember. I hope you and yours have a very Happy Thanksgiving! 

At my boys’ school there’s a “school store” once a week where the kids can purchase little things like pencils, erasers, and bouncy balls. Every week they beg me for money for the school store — I don’t always give them money, but when I do, I usually give them one dollar, as there are things they can buy that cost a dollar or less. But today, when I told one of my little guys that I had put an envelope containing a dollar in his school folder, he got really angry, because he wanted more than a dollar.

Well. Guess who’s not getting a dollar, or any amount, for a good while?

Being ungrateful is one of the things that I’m constantly on my boys about. They’re healthy, safe, warm, fed, clothed, and loved, and they have a lot of other things in addition to those essentials — in my mind, there’s no room for ingratitude when they have all those things that so many others don’t. 

Not only that, but I’ve been intrigued by the idea that having an “attitude of gratitude” can have a positive impact on one’s physical, psychological, and social lives. A 2014 article on Forbes.com by Amy Morin entitled “7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round” (available online) explains how cultivating gratitude can benefit everything from sleep to self-esteem, it can enhance empathy and reduce aggression, and it can increase one’s ability to cope: “Recognizing all you have to be thankful for — even during the worst times of your life — fosters resilience.” While I want my children to be grateful for what they have simply because they should be, I quite like that they’ll be healthier and happier by being grateful, too — and it’s a great reminder for me as well.

A more recent post (August 2019) on the web site HappierHuman.com called “31 Benefits of Gratitude: The Ultimate Science-Backed Guide” also noted something else I’ve observed: “Gratitude is a personality trait. Some people have more grateful personalities than others” and, while cultivating gratitude is a skill that can be learned through practice, some people need more practice than others. I’ve definitely seen this in some of my own children, which can make it a challenge to keep the general morale of the family up (haven’t you found that people who are always pointing out how bad things are can be such a drain on others’ mental peace?), so you can often hear me saying, “Be grateful for what you have!” I’ve also been known to say, “Now that you’ve complained about everything, tell me something you’re grateful for.” And my mom often tells my boys, “Remember to be patient and grateful!” Hopefully, the repetitive nature of these lessons will help them stick and make it easy for the boys to recall later in life.

Speaking of reminders to be grateful, we’re all looking forward to Thanksgiving (one of my boys has said it’s his favorite holiday, more than Christmas and his birthday!), and one of the things we’ve done in the past is to take time to share out loud the things we’re grateful for. I recently asked my boys what they’re grateful for, having both this article and Thanksgiving in mind, and I was so pleased that they all included family (including, specifically, “my brothers”) and friends, our home, and our food — those very things that I never want them to take for granted. That’s something I’m definitely grateful for this year! Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 21, 19, 17, 15, 13, 11, and 7. Email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.

Belly fat, often referred to as visceral fat, can be a significant health concern, leading to various metabolic disorders, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes. Losing this stubborn fat can be challenging, but integrating five essential lifestyle changes—walking, increasing protein intake, engaging in weight lifting, prioritizing sleep, and managing stress—can create a holistic approach to health and wellness.

1. Walking: The Simple Exercise

 Benefits of Walking

Walking is one of the most accessible forms of exercise and significantly contributes to achieving and maintaining a healthy weight. Regular brisk walking can help burn calories, improve cardiovascular health, and reduce overall body fat, including belly fat.

 Implementation Tips – Aim for 30 minutes a day: Start with a goal of at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity, such as brisk walking, each week.

– Incorporate intervals: Add bursts of increased intensity by walking faster for 1-2 minutes during your routine to maximize calorie burn.

– Find a buddy or group: Walking with friends can keep you motivated and make the exercise more enjoyable.

2. Protein: The Essential Nutrient 

Importance of Protein

A diet rich in protein can facilitate weight loss by increasing satiety, reducing hunger, and preserving lean muscle mass during weight loss. High-protein foods can also elevate your metabolic rate, helping you burn more calories. Implementation Tips

– Include lean protein sources: Incorporate foods like chicken, turkey, fish, beans, legumes, and dairy in your meals.

– Plan for protein at every meal: Aim for a balance of protein, healthy fats, and fiber in each meal to promote fullness and reduce cravings.

– Post-workout protein: Consuming protein after workouts can aid muscle recovery and promote muscle growth.

3. Weight Lifting: Building Muscle Mass

 Benefits of Weight Lifting

Strength training is a powerful tool for burning belly fat. As you build muscle, your resting metabolic rate increases, allowing you to burn more calories even when at rest.

 Implementation Tips 

– Start with bodyweight exercises: If you’re new to weight lifting, begin with exercises like push-ups, squats, and lunges to build foundational strength.

– Include resistance training 2-3 times a week: Focus on full-body workouts that target multiple muscle groups to maximize calorie expenditure.

– Gradually increase weights and intensity: As you progress, gradually increase the weights or resistance to continue challenging your muscles.

4. Sleep: The Overlooked Component

 Importance of Sleep

Quality sleep is crucial for weight management and overall health. Poor sleep can disrupt hormones involved in hunger and appetite regulation, often leading to increased cravings and weight gain.

 Implementation Tips

– Target 7-9 hours of sleep: Most adults require between 7 to 9 hours of quality sleep each night for optimal health.

– Establish a sleep routine: Go to bed and wake up at consistent times each day to regulate your body’s internal clock.

– Create a conducive sleep environment: Keep your bedroom dark, cool, and quiet, and limit screen time before bed to promote better sleep quality.

A p p o i n t m e n t s can be made online at MySaratogaCiropractor.com.

“Mothering Boys”

I wrote this eight years ago and went looking for it because I’m feeling this way all over again. This time, it’s because my oldest is a college senior and recently turned twenty-one, and my third is a high school senior, and the youngest in the article below is now in middle school (leaving only my actual youngest — who wasn’t even on the way when I originally wrote this — alone at our beloved elementary school). Also, because my third and fourth just went to Homecoming, and my fifth is the one currently burning up the Cross Country course (as opposed to his oldest brother, who is the one I wrote about below). These stories and memories never get old for me — I hope you enjoy them, too!

My two youngest sisters are nine and eleven years younger than me, and since much of my high school was spent helping care for them (which I loved), and I even went to college close by in large part so I wouldn’t miss their growing up, I still get amazed when I see two professional, adult women sitting at my kitchen table or hanging out at my parents’ house who look an awful lot like those little girls but are so … grown up. Because of them, I’m a little familiar with the feeling of “living vicariously” through others’ experiences — reliving my own high school, college, and post-grad years through hearing about theirs — but I wasn’t quite prepared for how intensely it would hit me when my oldest started eighth grade this year.

I mean, this is his third year of middle school, so it’s not like we’re doing anything all that new. He’s basically doing all the same things that he’s been doing, except for having joined a school team, and maybe that’s what’s doing it to me: watching him run Cross Country at about the same age I was when I started running Cross Country, for the same school, at the same home course, is knocking me over with memories. 

It’s also knocking me over with … I’m not sure what the word for “crying my eyes out all the time” is? Verklempt, I guess: “overcome with emotion, choked up.” I’m verklempt watching him run with the same intensity he brings to everything he thinks is worthwhile (just like his dad), seeing him as part of a high school team, hearing his older teammates cheering him on during the races, getting texts from him after away meets letting me know how he did. Even the care he takes getting his bag together every morning before school with what he needs for after-school practice, with no help needed from me, undoes me a little.

I’m pretty sure I wrote about all this before (last month, the month before, etc.), and it’ll likely continue popping up going forward, since being verklempt is my current life. 

I was thinking, in light of all these big-boy things (teenage things even! We now have a teenager!) we do as a family these days, how much I really love seeing our youngest do the little-boy things that had been our entire life until recently.

Like, on a recent morning, while driving the bigger boys to school, he kept yelling, “Mom! Mom! Mom! Look at me! Look at me!”

“I can’t look while I’m driving!” I’d said, and he responded, “Well, I look amazing.” Indeed, when we arrived at school and I was able to take a look I laughed out loud — he had on orange kiddie construction goggles, his Spider Man baseball hat, and the hood of his Toy Story coat pulled up over his hat. And a huge grin, of course.

If you were to visit our house at a random time during the day while his big brothers are at school, you might find him watching old-timey Spider Man episodes and eating cheese crackers out of a Minions bowl or selecting books for me to read. He loves Green Eggs and Ham, and other recent choices were a book about Star Wars, one about puppies, and The Velveteen Rabbit. He’s got a bruise under one eye from a vigorous go-round in a bouncy bounce at school’s recent Family Fun Night, and he jumps everywhere, with two feet, like a little frog or bunny rabbit — across the parking lot on our way into school, back to our seats after having accompanied me to receive Communion at Mass, up and down our front steps, every single time.

I sent him to his room a little while ago for angrily throwing things when he didn’t like the lunch I made for him (a cheese sandwich he told me he wanted), and I just went to check on him because he was being awfully quiet, and there he was asleep, just where he’d thrown himself in his fit of temper, and, funny enough, a little frown still on his face. While I was up there, I checked on my oldest, and discovered that he, too, had dozed off, after having completed a several-mile run. Oh, my heart.

It’s a blessing and a burden being the oldest and the youngest, especially when your mother is verklempt over every single thing you do. But it’s not just the oldest and the youngest, of course — when I came back downstairs from checking on them and sat back down where I’d been on the couch with my middle guys, watching a movie, two of them snuggled up against me (one of the olders and one of the youngers), another was eating the lunch he’d made for himself (!), another was just watching the movie barefoot and relaxed, I was, yes, verklempt with the blessings of these boys. Each one of them doing what they should be doing at the ages they’re at — new things, familiar things, good things, mischievous things. This motherhood thing is not for the faint of heart. 

# # #

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 21, 19, 17, 15, 13, 11, and 7. Email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.

What results in a penalty period and why?

In my practice, I get a lot of questions from clients regarding gifting and its impact on Medicaid eligibility.  People often ask “Isn’t there a five year look back for gifts?”  As is often the case in legal matters, the answer is – sometimes yes and sometimes no.

What is the Medicaid look back period?

The Medicaid look back period is the period of time for which you have to provide financial records if you apply for Medicaid to pay for nursing home care.  The discussion in this article is limited to Medicaid coverage that is used to pay for nursing home care only.

How long is the look back period?

The look back period is five years from the date of a Medicaid application. If you apply for Medicaid to pay for nursing home care on November 1, 2025, you will need to provide the Department of Social Services (DSS) with financial records going back to November 1, 2020.  Gifts made within the five year look back period may result in a penalty period.

What is a penalty period?

A penalty period is an amount of time which will delay the onset of your Medicaid coverage.

How are penalty periods calculated?

The amount of the gift(s) you made is divided by the transfer rate for our region, which is set by the state. In our region, the transfer rate for 2025 is $13,916/month. In order to calculate a penalty period, you take the amount of the gifts and divide it by the transfer rate. The resulting figure is the penalty period, in months. For example, if you made gifts of $27,832 to your children in the last five years, then your Medicaid coverage will be delayed for two months ($27,832/$13,916 = 2 months).

Are all gifts subject to a penalty period?

No, they are not – and this is not widely understood.  Any gift made to your spouse is not subject to a penalty period.  For example, if you own your residence with your spouse and transfer your interest to your spouse before you go into a nursing home and apply for Medicaid, that transfer would be known as an “exempt transfer”.  As an exempt transfer, it will not result in a penalty period.  This is a common strategy we recommend to married couples who have one spouse entering a nursing home.

Are there other exempt transfers?

In addition to transferring your interest in your residence to your spouse, you may also transfer your interest to a caregiver child as an exempt transfer.  A caregiver child is a child who has lived with you for at least two years and has provided care to you which enabled you to refrain from entering a nursing home.  In addition, transfers to disabled children or siblings with an interest in your residence may also qualify as exempt transfers.

Is there a dollar limit for gifting?

People sometimes tell me they believe they can transfer up to the annual exclusion amount for federal gift tax purposes, without a potential Medicaid penalty period.  The annual exclusion amount usually goes up every year, and it is currently $19,000/year.  This is the amount of a gift you can make to someone without the necessity of filing a federal gift tax return.  This limit has nothing to do with Medicaid rules and should not be considered a “safe amount” to transfer in the context of a Medicaid application.

Do penalty periods always apply?

If the gift is not an exempt transfer, generally the penalty period will apply.  With that said, there may be an argument that the penalty should not apply because the gift was made with no intent to try to qualify for Medicaid.  Based on the particular facts of the case, a penalty period generated by a gift can potentially be overturned upon appeal in a Medicaid Fair Hearing.  The facts that lead to successful appeals generally involve people who were healthy, independent, and not engaging in Medicaid planning at the time they made the gift.

Gifting in the Medicaid planning context can be complicated.  Seeking advice from an experienced elder law professional will help you ensure that you minimize the risk of penalty periods applying, which could delay the onset of necessary Medicaid coverage for nursing home care.

Matthew J. Dorsey, Esq. is a Shareholder with O’Connell and Aronowitz, 1 Court Street, Saratoga Springs, NY. Over his twenty-eight years of practice, he has focused in the areas of elder law, estate planning, and estate administration. Mr. Dorsey can be reached at (518)584-5205, mdorsey@oalaw.com and www.oalaw.com.  

As 2025 enters its final quarter, the holiday rush and end-of-year deadlines can make it easy to put financial planning on the back burner. However, these last few months offer a critical window to make impactful decisions that can bolster your savings, reduce your tax bill, and set a stronger foundation for the year ahead. Here are three essential items for your financial checklist.

1. Supercharge Your Retirement Accounts

Before the calendar flips, ensure you’ve squeezed every advantage out of your tax-sheltered retirement plans.

• Maximize Your 401(k) or 403(b): For 2025, you can contribute up to $23,500 to your employer-sponsored plan. If you haven’t hit this limit, consider increasing your contribution percentage for the final pay periods of the year. Most importantly, contribute at least enough to receive your full employer match—it’s an immediate return on your investment.

• Leverage Catch-Up Contributions: If you are age 50 or over, you can contribute an additional $7,500 to your 401(k). Furthermore, a provision in the SECURE 2.0 Act allows those aged 60 to 63 to make a higher catch-up contribution of $11,250, if their plan allows.

• Fund Your IRA: You have until the tax filing deadline in April 2026 to contribute to an IRA for 2025, but the sooner you contribute, the more time your money has to grow. The 2025 limit for Traditional and Roth IRAs is $7,000, with an additional $1,000 catch-up for those 50 and older.

2. Get Strategic with Taxes and Investments

Proactive tax planning in the fourth quarter can yield significant savings. Look at your taxable investment accounts for opportunities.

• Harvest Your Losses: If you have investments that have decreased in value, selling them can be a smart move. This strategy, known as tax-loss harvesting, allows you to use those capital losses to offset capital gains you’ve realized during the year. If your losses exceed your gains, you can use up to $3,000 to offset your ordinary income.

• Rebalance Your Portfolio: The year’s market shifts may have pushed your portfolio out of alignment with your long-term goals. For instance, a strong run in stocks might mean you are now holding a higher percentage in equities than your risk tolerance dictates. Selling some winners and reallocating the funds to underperforming asset classes is a disciplined way to manage risk.

3. Optimize Your Health and Benefit Elections

Fall is typically open enrollment season for employee benefits—a crucial time to make choices that impact your financial and physical well-being.

• Review Your Health Plan: Don’t just default to your current coverage. Assess whether your health plan still meets your needs and is the most cost-effective option.

• Fund Your Health Savings Account (HSA): If you are enrolled in a high-deductible health plan, the HSA is a powerful tool. It offers a triple tax advantage: contributions are tax-deductible, the funds grow tax-free, and withdrawals for qualified medical expenses are tax-free. For 2025, the HSA contribution limits are $4,300 for self-only coverage and $8,550 for family coverage, with an extra $1,000 catch-up for those 55 and older.

• Use Your Flexible Spending Account (FSA): Check your FSA balance. Most plans operate on a “use-it-or-lose-it” basis, so now is the time to schedule appointments or purchase eligible healthcare items to avoid forfeiting your funds.

By dedicating a few hours to these key areas, you can end 2025 on a high note and step into the new year with greater financial confidence. As always, be sure to discuss any changes you make with your financial and tax advisors to help ensure they’re the right strategy for you.

Stephen Kyne, CFP® is a Partner at Sterling Manor Financial, LLC in Saratoga Springs.

Sterling Manor Financial, LLC is an SEC Registered Investment Advisor and does not provide tax or legal advice, nor is it a third-party administrator. Consult your attorney or accountant prior to implementing any tax or legal strategies.

As summer draws to a close and fall approaches, many families are preparing for the back-to-school season. This time of year is exciting, yet it also presents unique health challenges in light of ongoing public health concerns. Ensuring that children return to school safely is paramount for parents, educators, and communities. Here’s a comprehensive look at key measures to promote health and safety for kids as they head back to school.

1. Understanding Health Protocols

Vaccinations

Before school begins, it’s essential to ensure that children are up-to-date on their vaccinations. Routine immunizations help protect against a myriad of diseases. The CDC recommends certain vaccines for children heading into kindergarten and middle school, such as: – DTaP (Diphtheria, Tetanus, Pertussis)

– MMR (Measles, Mumps, Rubella)

– Varicella (Chickenpox)

– COVID-19 vaccinations as advised by health officials.

These vaccinations not only safeguard individual children but also contribute to herd immunity, helping protect the broader school community. Health Screenings

A thorough health assessment, including vision and hearing tests, can ensure that potential issues are addressed promptly. Schools often require health forms; ensuring these are filled out accurately can help educators understand any specific needs your child may have. 

2. Promoting Hygiene Practices Hand Hygiene

Encourage children to wash their hands regularly, especially before meals and after using the restroom. Hand sanitizer should be made available in the classroom, as it can be an effective alternative when soap and water aren’t accessible.

3. Mental Health Awareness

Back-to-school time can be a source of anxiety for many children. Parents should foster open communication with their kids about their feelings regarding this transition. Here are some ways to support their mental well-being:

Encourage Routine: Establishing a consistent morning and evening routine can successfully ease the transition back to school, helping to reduce anxiety.

Promote Open Dialogue: Create a safe space for children to express their fears and concerns. Encourage them to share their experiences and feelings about returning to school.

Mindfulness Practices: Teach children relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing exercises and mindfulness practices, to help them manage stress.

4. Nutrition and Physical Health

A balanced diet plays a crucial role in supporting a child’s immune system and overall physical health. As they transition back to school:

Healthy Breakfasts: Encourage kids not to skip breakfast. Foods rich in protein, fiber, and healthy fats keep them energized throughout the school day.

Balanced Lunches: Prepare nutritious lunches that include whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins to strengthen their bodies.

Hydration: Remind children to drink plenty of water throughout the day, as staying hydrated is essential for maintaining focus and energy levels.

5. Safe Transportation Whether children walk, bike, or take the bus to school, it’s crucial to ensure their safety during transportation:

Walking/Biking: Parents should accompany younger children or organize walking groups with neighbors to increase safety. Remind them to use crosswalks and obey traffic signals.

Bus Safety: Review bus safety rules with your child, including waiting for the bus at a safe distance and following directions from the bus driver.

6. Close Monitoring of Health Symptoms

Parents should keep a vigilant eye on any signs of illness, such as fever, cough, or fatigue. In case a child shows symptoms, it’s advisable to keep them home and consult a healthcare provider. Schools have policies regarding illness that should be followed to prevent the spread of infections.

This back-to-school season, the focus is on creating a safe and healthy environment for children. By being proactive about vaccinations, promoting hygiene, and nurturing mental well-being, parents and caregivers can help their kids thrive as they return to the classroom. Education about safety and health is a collaborative effort, and together, we can ensure a successful and healthy school year for all children.

Dr Minogue enjoys treating patients of all ages and stages of life. This includes helping athletes reach optimal performance, supporting mothers through prenatal and postpartum stages, keeping infant’s and children’s spines aligned for optimal nervous system development, and helping older patients age gracefully.

Appointments can be made online at MySaratogaCiropractor.com.

“Mothering Boys”

You know how kids go through phases? Whenever one of my boys has been in a particularly challenging phase, one of the things that has traditionally helped raise my spirits has been that the boys have always taken turns going through challenging phases, so when we’re dealing with something from one, we can generally count on the other boys to be their normal selves. One challenge at a time.

Well. This summer, all summer, it seemed like every single one of the boys was going through a challenging phase. Nobody took turns! Everyone wanted to be difficult! It was kind of amazing to see, and my husband and I shook our heads over it more than once.

When thinking about what to write for this month’s column, I was looking back at previous topics I wrote about during this back-to-school month and discovered that I’d written about this very kind of thing just a couple of years ago. In fact, that old article said it about as well as I could at this moment in time, so please enjoy this very nearly perfect account of how I’m feeling now that school has started again:

Today all of my children are back at school, and none too soon, as the last few weeks have been characterized by insufferable, unending arguing.

My kids certainly have their fair share of arguments in the normal way of siblings, especially since so many of them think they’re experts on everything all the time, but it hasn’t been so pervasive, so constant, so ridiculous, as it has been in the last month or so. Any time any of the boys has said anything at all, without fail another of the boys has landed on them with all the reasons why they’re wrong or dumb. 

Innocent mistakes aren’t safe. For example, Number 2 commented recently, “I keep thinking today is Friday!” and Number 6 immediately said scornfully, “Why do you keep thinking today is Friday??” Then the two of them were off and running with a back-and-forth argument about why sometimes people fall into thinking a certain day is a different day and no, it’s not a stupid thing to think, you’re stupid, no you are, etc.

Observations aren’t safe. For example, Number 5 said to Number 6, “Isn’t it weird that we don’t all have the same brothers?” Number 6 thought about this for a minute and then realized it was true. “Oh yeah!” he said. “Because you are my brother, but you’re not your own brother!” I was so pleased that this conversation — normally the kind of thing that would immediately devolve into an argument — went so nicely … until Number 4, who wasn’t part of the conversation, said aggressively, “Yes we do have the same brothers!” and the three of them were off and running with a back-and-forth argument about why it’s true, no it’s not true, yes it is true, you’re stupid, no you are, etc.

Opinions aren’t safe. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the boys squabbling over matters of opinion. Whether something is delicious or not. Whether a particular TV show or YouTube channel is interesting or not. Whether someone is cold, or hot, or hungry, or bored — things that are subjective, things that are matters of opinion, things that can be true for one boy and not for the other boy at the exact same time. There have been so many times that I’ve had to remind them that they’re each allowed to have their own opinion; just because you think something tastes gross doesn’t mean your brother has to agree with you; yes you can think someone else’s opinion is ridiculous but they’re still allowed to have it. I’ve taken the opportunity when I can to explain the difference between informed opinions versus uninformed opinions, but when it comes to one boy preferring his hot dog without a bun versus the other boy preferring it with a bun, no one is objectively right.

Creativity isn’t safe. Number 7 gave the inexplicable name “Artra Star” to a spider on our window, which several of his brothers told him was a dumb name and decided it was a hill they would die on. 

It’s even gotten to the point where no one will be saying anything at all that can be disagreed with, so someone will create an argument out of thin air, just to bother each other. Like when Number 6 said to Number 7, out of the blue, for no other reason than to bother him: “You are cheese. You look like cheese, you smell like cheese, you taste like cheese.” Number 7 immediately took the bait, saying, “I am not cheese! Cheese doesn’t even have a smell!” Number 6 replied calmly, “To me it does.” My husband, sensing an escalation, tried to diffuse the situation by teasing Number 7: “Everyone knows you’re a donut!” But Number 7 would not be soothed — instead, he wailed, “I am not food!” and then started crying, “Everyone is making fun of me!”

These are all real examples. As the weeks of arguing dragged on, I started keeping a list of these arguments in a notebook and on my phone, and even with that, I was only able to capture a fraction of what we’ve all had to deal with as the summer has wound down. I’ll be happy for everyone to have time away from each other as we head back to school, and I’ll delight in seeing how happy they are to be back together at home after busy days away. They really are good boys, and they really do enjoy spending time together — as long as none of them make the mistake of thinking today is a different day than it actually is!

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 20, 19, 17, 15, 13, 11, and 7. Email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.