At my boys’ school there’s a “school store” once a week where the kids can purchase little things like pencils, erasers, and bouncy balls. Every week they beg me for money for the school store—I don’t always give them money, but when I do, I usually give them one dollar, as there are things they can buy that cost a dollar or less. But today, when I told one of my little guys that I had put an envelope containing a dollar in his school folder, he got really angry, because he wanted more than a dollar.
Well. Guess who’s not getting a dollar, or any amount, for a good while?
Being ungrateful is one of the things that I’m constantly on my boys about. They’re healthy, safe, warm, fed, clothed, and loved, and they have a lot of other things in addition to those essentials—in my mind, there’s no room for ingratitude when they have all those things that so many others don’t.
Not only that, but I’ve been intrigued by the idea that having an “attitude of gratitude” can have a positive impact on one’s physical, psychological, and social lives. A 2014 article on Forbes.com by Amy Morin entitled “7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round” (available online) explains how cultivating gratitude can benefit everything from sleep to self-esteem, it can enhance empathy and reduce aggression, and it can increase one’s ability to cope: “Recognizing all you have to be thankful for—even during the worst times of your life—fosters resilience.” While I want my children to be grateful for what they have simply because they should be, I quite like that they’ll be healthier and happier by being grateful, too—and it’s a great reminder for me as well.
A more recent post (August 2019) on the web site HappierHuman.com called “31 Benefits of Gratitude: The Ultimate Science-Backed Guide” also noted something else I’ve observed: “Gratitude is a personality trait. Some people have more grateful personalities than others” and, while cultivating gratitude is a skill that can be learned through practice, some people need more practice than others. I’ve definitely seen this in some of my own children, which can make it a challenge to keep the general morale of the family up (haven’t you found that people who are always pointing out how bad things are can be such a drain on others’ mental peace?), so you can often hear me saying, “Be grateful for what you have!” I’ve also been known to say, “Now that you’ve complained about everything, tell me something you’re grateful for.” And my mom often tells my boys, “Remember to be patient and grateful!” Hopefully, the repetitive nature of these lessons will help them stick and make it easy for the boys to recall later in life.
Speaking of reminders to be grateful, we’re all looking forward to Thanksgiving (one of my boys has said it’s his favorite holiday, more than Christmas and his birthday!), and one of the things we’ve done in the past is to take time to share out loud the things we’re grateful for. I recently asked my boys what they’re grateful for, having both this article and Thanksgiving in mind, and I was so pleased that they all included family (including, specifically, “my brothers”) and friends, our home, and our food—those very things that I never want them to take for granted. That’s something I’m definitely grateful for this year!
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!
Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 15, 13, 11, 9, 7, 5, and 1. Follow her at www.facebook.com/kmtowne23, or email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
