HERE WE GO AGAIN!
The holiday season has come upon us and stores have been reminding us since October how many days we have until Christmas. While this season can be a joyful one with family and friends, it is often a time full of anxiety, stress and self-abandonment for many.
During the holidays we fall into the trap of abuse amnesia. We make up narratives in our mind that we can spend time with difficult family members because it’s the holidays and this is what all families do. We need to forgive and move forward and participate in a Hallmark movie script full of redemption and love.
The problem with this false narrative is that when we self-abandon to make room for unhealthy people because it’s “the holidays” we end up with a massive hangover of guilt, shame, depression, anxiety and anger. The abuse amnesia has once again fooled us into believing all is well at the holidays because people will magically behave better than they normally do.
While I would love for this magic holiday dust to fall upon dysfunctional family dynamics the truth is people are who they are and expecting better behavior because it’s the holidays is engaging in abuse amnesia.
A wonderful quote I am reminded of often is by Dr. Maya Angelou: “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time” Notice it doesn’t say, “When someone shows you who they are believe them but then expect a better person during the family Christmas party.”
True adulting means that we begin to see dysfunctional unhealthy family members for who they are. We don’t minimize, make excuses for or show up because we feel guilty. We face the reality that this is a toxic person and we make our holiday plans based on protecting our minds, hearts, spirits and overall physical health.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for what you choose to do during the holiday season. You don’t have to make yourself feel awful to make others feel good. The best gift you can give yourself this Christmas is to take care of yourself and refuse to engage in the abuse amnesia that loves to whisper in our ears that things will be better. Stop being disappointed in others for not being who you want them to be and radically accept they are who they are.
This acceptance will empower you to make decisions that work for you, versus making decisions based on pleasing difficult people.
This Holiday season give yourself the gift of love and protection instead of self-abandonment and abuse amnesia.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA. To download your free audio class on protecting yourself from toxic family members this holiday season visit changeyourstoryllc.com.
