Our family runs on a schedule that was set in large part almost twenty years ago, when my oldest was born. My mental health was dependent on having a knowable, consistent daily schedule, and while my son’s needs dictated that daily schedule and changed it as needed, I made it my job to stick to whatever his current schedule was and worked all other things around it.
So, for example, if the baby’s regular napping schedule fell into a 10am and 2pm pattern, then I would not leave the house during those times so that he could have his nap. If I needed to leave the house during those times, I would try to make sure that the nap could happen at its normal time — maybe while driving to where we needed to go (car-bound errands were good for this, like getting gas and going through the bank drive-through, and then continuing to ride around as needed), or I would make sure we arrived at our destination (grandparents’ house, for example) in time for me to put the baby down at his normal nap time. Not everyone understood nor agreed with this approach, but they didn’t need to — it was what I felt was needed to keep my baby healthy, our household running smoothly, and myself sane.
As more babies came, this approach became a bit trickier, leading to lots of at-home time — we didn’t go out much for a long time. Naps and nursing were most important for the babies; naps and eating were most important for the toddlers and preschoolers; all of it was done in service of regular bedtimes and peaceful nights. I learned how to nudge a schedule one way or another if I needed to for the good of the family as a whole or an unexpected happening on a particular day, but in general, we all appreciated that we knew what was happening at each part of each day.
Those baby schedules are echoed in our current schedules, even though the last baby is now five years old. We’ve always gone to the 8:00 Mass on Sundays because that’s what worked best for my first baby’s nap schedule. We still have quiet time around 3:00 or so each day — this used to be the afternoon naptime and has stayed on as a much-needed bit of downtime. I still feel a little anxiety settling in when something interferes with that 3:00 quiet time (which actually happens quite a bit these days due to sports and other after-school activities).
This adherence to the schedule of our baby years is crumbling here and there, though. One thing that could never happen during the baby years was sleeping in. I made sure the babies were up early enough each morning that they’d nap at their regular time and be ready for their regular bedtime that night, so even on Saturday mornings when we had nothing planned, I made sure to get the kids up by 8:00 to keep us all on schedule. For all the past many years, there was never any sleeping in … and now, all of a sudden, there is! Several recent Saturdays have seen all of us sleeping in a bit — what a nice change it’s been to have slow, sleepy mornings instead of the cranky, early mornings that we all hate so much! We won’t be able to do this all the time — Saturday mornings are for basketball games in the winter and baseball games in the spring — but in between sports seasons and when we have a later-in-the-day game, we are a family that sleeps in!
Another thing that’s different is that it’s no longer a problem to allow the little guys to snooze during the day. I don’t mean a full-on regular nap — that hasn’t been a thing for a while — but sometimes my youngest will fall asleep on the couch after a particular busy day outside, and just the other night, he leaned into my shoulder and fell asleep during a movie. In the old days, I’d do whatever I could to prevent the kids from falling asleep any time that wasn’t naptime or bedtime, because doing so could mess up the whole schedule, and especially because they wouldn’t be tired for bedtime, which could mean they’re up far too late for my own level of energy. It’s such a relief that I don’t need to worry about that any more! Now, if my littlest guy falls asleep during the day, we can still put him to bed at his normal time since he’s old enough to stay in bed and not get into trouble.
I’ve written a lot this year about the changes in our family and household since we no longer have any babies or very small children in the house — I hope you’re not sick of it yet! I hope that it’s a help to those of you in the trenches of parenthood, when it seems like everything and everyone is tired, tired, tired. I was there for many, many years, and now that I’m not, I’m both amazed that we’ve moved on as well as missing those days. I’m going to say those things that parents of young children sometimes get irritated by, but they’re so true: enjoy these days, because they go faster than you think; the days are long but the years are short; and these are some of the very sweetest days in the life of parents.
Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 19, 17, 15, 14, 12, 10, and 5. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
