I don’t know about you, but I’ve often found myself paralyzed by opinions I’ve heard voiced by other parents and “experts” that are different from mine, especially when I was a new mom.
When I was expecting my first baby, my head was filled with chatter I’d heard about how we shouldn’t push our children into sports, shouldn’t push them to be athletes, we should allow our little bookworms to be bookworms and our budding scientists to be scientists and leave the sports for the kids who really want to play (as if academics, athletics and other interests are all mutually exclusive). I don’t remember exactly where I heard these things—parent magazines, no doubt, and online discussion forums—and I agreed that not every child has the same gifts or talents or interests, but there was something about that attitude that didn’t sit quite right with me. I had a hard time putting my finger on it, besides the fact that I sincerely hoped that my children would enjoy sports as much as I did. Despite the fact that I myself was bookish and loved school and tended to be quiet and introverted, I was allowed to love sports as well through memberships on different teams (baseball, basketball, soccer, softball, cross country) and other athletic activities (ballet, Irish dancing, swimming) throughout my growing up. I didn’t always like being made to participate in sports—a couple of those turned out to be a better fit than others—but other times I loved it and my athletic successes rank as high as my academic successes in my memory.
Then I read an article in a parent magazine by a pediatrician who was also a mom who wrote how she requires her children to play a sport a season—their choice which one—for good physical health. That article sort of made it all click for me—of course sports is a great way to ensure physical activity which we all know is so important. Once I was able to remember the very real health benefits of playing sports, the more I was able to remember other benefits I knew were a part of sports, things I had experienced and benefited from myself: being part of a team, following rules and directions, gaining confidence, learning humility, learning from those better than myself, teaching those who are still learning, manners on and off the court, being humble winners and not being sore losers, always being a good sport. I stopped feeling guilty for knowing I was going to require my children to play sports and started getting excited for that time in our family life.
It is true that not all of our boys enjoy each of the sports we have them involved in. Our particular family makeup and budget have restricted the list of possible sports to a certain few, and each season it seems one or other of the boys is complaining about how much he dislikes whatever the current sport is. But I’ve seen such good things come out of their involvement—both in their character and maturity and in their skill level—and now that we’re about to begin basketball again, I think too of the story my dad told me recently about his experience with basketball while growing up:
Up to a certain age, he was “pretty lousy,” as he put it. Basketball was not something he was good at during the years that my boys currently span in age, which I always think is a great thing to remind them about. But about the age of 13 or 14, things started changing. Back then, Dad spent a lot of time at the East Side Rec, which was across the street from his family home, practicing basketball by himself. He said some big kids—players at Saratoga High—would come by to play and he’d dutifully move to another court to let them play. Sometimes, if the big kids needed another player, they might ask one of the younger ones to join them, but Dad remembers that he never had any expectation of being picked for a team. “I wouldn’t pick me!” he says. But there was one player—Billy Goldsmith, whom he knew from the neighborhood—who would occasionally include my dad, and “even passed me the ball sometimes!”
Billy was four years older than Dad, a junior or senior in high school, and the high-scoring captain and point guard for Saratoga High at that time. It blew Dad away that someone like Billy Goldsmith would go out of his way to include him and it left an impression on Dad. About that time, Dad decided he really liked basketball, despite his lack of skill or experience, so he started to practice a lot. Of course that led to measurable improvement in his game—in ninth grade for example, he didn’t know how to shoot a jump shot very well, but in tenth grade he was really good at it. He ended his own high school career as a bit of a star athlete himself, with happy memories of his athletic career and the lasting lesson of kindness by someone he looked up to.
“Poppie didn’t really start getting the hang of basketball until he was 13 or 14,” I’m able to tell my boys, hoping to encourage them, and what a great teachable moment too, to be able to tell them how the way they treat others can impact a lifetime. Whether or not they continue with sports when they’re old enough to decide for themselves, I’m confident that their childhood athletic experiences are contributing to the well-rounded people I hope they become.
Two further bits of news:
I know you’ve all been dying to know how potty training has been going, after reading last month all about how I was at the very end of my rope with my fourth boy’s potty progress. I’m happy to let you know that less than a week after I submitted that piece, something finally connected for my little guy (who now adamantly refers to himself as a “big boy”) and he ditched the diapers for good. We still have some accidents here and there, but basically, once it all fell into place, it all fell into place. He doesn’t wear diapers at all during the day now, nor during the night, and I am beyond thrilled.
I’m even more thrilled to share this announcement: We’re having another baby! He or she is due in April, my first Spring Baby. You might have heard the whooping and hollering when we told the boys—they were so excited, and ask me how I’m doing and how the baby’s doing almost daily.
As always, we have so much to be grateful for this Thanksgiving, and we hope you all have a very Happy Thanksgiving too!
Kate Towne Sherwin is a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) living in Saratoga Springs with her husband and their sons Thomas (9), Gabriel (7), John Dominic (5), Xavier (3) and Thaddeus (22 months); they expect their sixth baby in Spring 2014. She can be reached at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
