The Holiday Blues: Confronting the Darkness in the Season of Light

Having worked in the counseling field for over eighteen years, I have come to recognize certain emotional themes that come with the passing of seasons. The Holiday season, while marked with joy, enthusiasm and celebration is often the most difficult season for people who are suffering from depression and anxiety. The Holiday season paints a picture of family togetherness; romantic evenings by the tree with the warmth of your loved one and days spent finding the perfect gifts for your friends and family. We are expected to embrace the season of light with joy and peace. The pressure to be jolly and merry is in our face daily through the radio, TV, social media and decorations throughout our communities. These cues to be happy and full of good cheer while well-intentioned; can be extremely painful for people who are going through a dark and difficult time. I have worked with many individuals who would rather disappear or sleep through the holiday season then confront the emotional pain that lies deep within. The perfect Norman Rockwell family gathered around the tree sipping hot cocoa is a reminder of what you don’t have; or what you desperately wish you did have. This season can push us into the dark hole of questioning how we got to this place where everything is falling apart rather than into place. We can spend a lot of time going over past mistakes, lost relationships, trauma from childhood and the loss of dreams we are no longer motivated to pursue. This avoidance however is the very coping technique that can lead to a prolonged period of tremendous sadness, hopelessness and lack of energy. Many of us plow through the season without allowing our hearts and spirits to sort through the pain and confusion we are feeling. Rather, we numb it through avoidance or Scrooge-like behavior; counting down the days until the season is behind us. The problem with using avoidance as a coping technique is that it takes a tremendous amount of energy. Your body will always attempt to get your attention when in emotional pain through the sensation of a heavy chest, tearfulness, general anxiety, lack of sleep, lack of motivation and in some cases even physical pain in the form of a sore back and unexplained muscle tightness. This is our body’s way of communicating to us that we need to stop and deal with the pain. The more we avoid the message, the greater likelihood we are to experience DIS-EASE. If you find yourself dreading the next few weeks of the holiday season, stop the madness of avoidance and confront the uncomfortable emotions that are making you feel depressed and anxious. The most difficult part of confronting dark feelings is the acceptance that they exist. It is easy to judge yourself and play the game of tough love. Instead of trying to shake yourself out of the funk, stop and acknowledge your pain. Get in a quiet place, whether it is your car, bedroom, a place in nature or a place of worship. Stop and recognize that you are human and it’s perfectly normal to struggle with depression and loss, especially during a season that demands cheery and festive behavior. Give yourself some love in the form of acceptance by silently saying, “I hear you, I know you are struggling right now, it’s okay.” If your child came to you in tears would you tell them to get over it and grow up? I imagine you would provide them with emotional and physical comfort allowing them to express their pain. Accept that any discomfort you feel does not make you weak or less than in anyway. It simply makes you human. Once you have admitted that you feel like you are falling down the dark rabbit hole, take some time to allow your spirit, heart and mind to guide you to the source of that emotional pain. Perhaps the holidays remind you of the day your father walked out or that you there was never enough money for presents. Maybe you wonder if you could have done more in a past relationship or marriage so that your family could celebrate together. Whatever the issue is, you will instinctively be led to the root source of your pain. This is definitely the part where most people go into escape mode and work harder to avoid going to that dark place. Once that root is identified you can begin the process of healing which will allow you to grow to appreciate the holiday season in a way that is more about your present and future than your past. Depression likes to isolate us and keep us in the hole. Reach out to someone you love and trust so that you can relieve the pain through discussing it and making peace with your past. Many people ask me what good talking about pain will do for them. This is always my response, “It’s not that we are going to fix the pain, but talking about it out loud with someone you trust makes you feel less ALONE with the pain.” What we crave most as human being’s is to be loved and accepted. Simply sharing your pain with someone can begin the healing process and help you along the road to recovery. Holding onto trauma from the past saps us of energy, hope, a strong body and a healthy spirit. Don’t go through another holiday season wishing you could sleep through it or never have to face another New Year again. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. If every holiday season throws you into a pit of darkness and isolation, get some help today. We were meant to live a life that is full of love, acceptance, peace and hope. Don’t let depression steal one more moment of your life. Depression is treatable once you decide to reach out and address the root of your pain. It is my hope this holiday season that you will trade the darkness for the light of hope, forgiveness, renewed faith and joy. Let the warmth of the fire and twinkle of the lights begin to soften your heart and bring you to a place of renewed faith. Remember, no matter how dark a place you think you are in, there will always be a flicker of light guiding you to a place of peace and rest. Follow that light and watch it grow bigger as you begin the process of healing. Happy Holidays to you and yours! May peace, love, faith and hope guide you into the New Year! Ms. Lemery is a psychotherapist practicing in Glens Falls and Saratoga Springs, N.Y. For more information email This email address is being protected from spambots. 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