THIS WEEK anger and impatience taught me a valuable lesson. I was waiting at a traffic light to make a left hand turn onto a main road. I was a few cars back and noticed every time the left-hand arrow turned green no one moved to take the turn. By the third time the light changed and the cars stood still, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I laid on my horn, rolled down the window and yelled “Let’s move it people, come on!” Clearly I was setting a stellar example for my 16-month-old son in the back of the car.
When cars started to finally go through the light and I made the turn I noticed a line of cars in the right lane with their hazards on. As I looked further up the road I realized all the cars were turning into a cemetery.
I was the jerk beeping and yelling for people to move it during a funeral procession. Ugg! My immediate reaction was shame and embarrassment. How could I be so insensitive and rude! Then I thought about the absurdity of the situation and felt like I was in an episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” and my shame melted into hysterical laughter with tears falling down my face. When I tried to share the story later that evening with my husband I couldn’t even get the story out because I was laughing so hard.
Sometimes anger is the wake up call we need to remind us not to take ourselves too seriously. Anger can slow us down and help us gain the perspective we need to stretch us emotionally.
Anger can be an uncomfortable feeling for many of us. The truth is, anger is a step in the healing process that can move us from being paralyzed with grief and sadness to action causing us to make the changes we need to be free of any person, place or thing that is keeping us from growing.
Anger can help us wake us and realize we are being disrespected and mistreated. It’s not uncommon for me to work with individuals who come in for counseling because they are sad a relationship has ended or upset about a job loss. When we dig deeper and process the details of the situation something transformative begins to happen.
The sadness turns into increased insight and anger starts to come out when the person realizes their boundaries were not respected or valued.
You don’t have to be uncomfortable when you feel angry. Take a minute to reflect on what the anger is telling you. Are you hungry? Do you need to get more rest, exercise or water? Are you allowing yourself to be disrespected by others?
Or, as in my case with Funeral-gate anger was telling me to take a step back, relax and center myself. There was nowhere that I needed to be, and I needed to get my reaction in check. Once I was aware of that I was able to release the stress of the situation with hysterical laughter and light heartedness.
Next time you feel anger bubble up in your chest take a minute to process what the deeper message is. The answer my surprise you! Don’t let anger make you feel afraid or uncomfortable. Use it as a tool to motivate you to action and higher ground.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA. For more information email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Also follow her on Twitter: @meghanlfritz.
