THIS MONTH WE CELEBRATE VALENTINE’S DAY which for many means stopping to honor one another with sweet gestures of adoration, praise and romance. While these ingredients are important in a partnership I think the best way to take care of your relationships is to take care of yourself.
It’s not a very romantic notion to think that the key to healthy relationships is really about knowing how to care for yourself but the truth is, if you are not sure about what you need and want for yourself how can you expect your partner to know?
In my work with couples I often hear frustration expressed that we shouldn’t have to tell our partners what we need, they should know! This is the biggest misconception about having a healthy relationship. You may find “The One” but if you don’t know what brings you a sense of peace and joy in everyday life you will end up unconsciously sabotaging your relationship.
We all feel loved in different ways; a wonderful way to figure out how you feel appreciated by your partner is to take the Five Love Languages quiz developed by Dr. Gary Chapman based on his book “The Five Love Languages.” This is a great way to take a step in having clear and direct communication in your partnership as well as taking the time to learn more
about yourself.
We tend to love others the way we want to be loved. You may go out of your way to clean and cook for your partner and while they appreciate a vacuumed rug, they may prefer physical affection as a way to connect. There is no right or wrong, rather, what’s right for you.
The key to a healthy, emotionally mature relationship is to know what your love language is and to nurture it for yourself and in your partnership. So much of growing in emotional intelligence and maturity is letting go of the idealistic romantic expectations we have for our relationships and taking responsibility for our own self-care.
It’s easy to blame your partner for your unhappiness but the truth is, if you aren’t taking care of yourself on a daily basis and asking for what you need and want in your relationship, you will always experience a feeling of dis-ease in your relationship.
Healthy partnerships start with healthy individuals. The more you depend on your partnership to bring you happiness the more you are giving someone else the power to determine your happiness and peace of mind.
If you are single and your intention is to be in a healthy partnership, take time to enjoy this season of your life. Get to know yourself and work through any old baggage that could hinder you from experiencing a healthy relationship. Don’t fall into a comparison trap that you would be happier in a relationship; rather, embrace the season and recognize you are exactly where you are supposed to be, not early, not late, but right on time.
The key to healthy, successful relationships is to know ourselves and to be unapologetic in communicating our wants and needs.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA. For more information email: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
