Managing Summer (and all-year) Screen Time

“Mothering Boys”

Years ago I wrote a piece for Saratoga TODAY about the summertime routine I’d instituted to keep my kids busy and myself from going crazy. The basic structure was: morning outside time (after breakfast I’d send them outside and they weren’t allowed to come in until lunchtime, weather permitting) and inside quiet time during the afternoon (naptime for me and the little guys, a movie for the bigger kids). It was easy to stick to and easy to slip out of if needed (for errands, trips, visits, etc.). It helped us all know what to expect. My fifth son was a baby when I wrote that piece, my oldest was seven, and I desperately needed to figure out a way to allow the boys to have a great and healthy summer while recognizing that having five boys under the age of eight, including a nursing baby, meant that a lot of energy needed to be managed by my energy-limited self.

Our summers look very different now! My youngest is about the same age that my oldest had been when I wrote that piece; my oldest is away for the summer and will be turning twenty-one this fall. While I still have a rough structure of outside time in the morning and inside time in the afternoon (which my youngest is delighted by — he thinks it’s fantastic that he gets to go outside all morning!), our days are busy with things like bringing big boys to and from work, managing my own work schedule, and tackling some of the bigger household projects on the list that only got longer during the school year.

There is one thing that I’m still trying to figure out how to manage that I didn’t have to back when all the boys were little: technology. 

When I say “technology,” I mean video games and other devices (phones and computers). When I say “manage,” I mean that I will not let my boys be on devices all day. How does one enforce limitations on these things in this day and age? It’s not easy! I have been struggling with this for the majority of my motherhood, and after having taught middle school and high school this past year, I’m more convinced than ever that technology without limits is bad for kids of all ages.

In our house, my basic rules are:

• Video games are played only on weekends (which includes Friday). I have softened on this a little to allow for the fact that rainy days during the summer cause everyone to get a little stir crazy and cabin feverish, so rainy days are also videogame days. (Okay, I admit: sometimes also super hot days, and days when I’m just too tired.)

• Video game turns are one hour each. My preference is that each child will have only one turn — only one hour per day — but that rule has definitely slid through the years. My boys are able to “earn” another turn (or two … or three …) through doing extra chores, that kind of thing. Because there are so many of them and most of them want turns, there is a natural limit to how long each one can stay on anyway, and believe me: the boys who aren’t playing keep a close eye on the clock and let the one who’s currently playing know when his turn is up!

• “Video games” refers to games played on our video game consoles. However, some boys prefer to take their “video game turns” on their computers — this is a little trickier, because it’s harder to monitor what they’re viewing or playing. They all know that if I catch them doing anything with their computers that they’re not allowed to, the computer will be taken away; I know how tricky kids can be and I try to be as vigilant as possible. Some things that help are that they’re not allowed to have devices of any kinds (including phones) in their bedrooms or anywhere else upstairs, and they’re not allowed to go anywhere private with their devices (our house is small for the number of people we have, so there’s really nowhere to go to be alone. There are certainly pros and cons to that!) I try to make sure that’s it’s easy for me to see their screens whenever I’m walking through the room. (It’s important to note that my adult children don’t have these same rules of course, though I do ask that they be mindful of the fact that it will make it harder for the little boys to follow the rules if the big boys are flaunting their adult freedom.)

• My five older boys all have phones — they get their first phone for Christmas of sixth grade, since that’s when I have found that I don’t always have another way to get a hold of them, know where they are, know when they need to be picked up, etc. None of them are allowed to use the internet on their phones until they’re 16 or so (determined on an individual basis), so using phones for their video game turns isn’t really a thing in our house (there’s only so much Solitaire one can play, after all).

I really can’t overstate how important I think it is to set a tone of limited technology usage with kids of all ages. I see that when my kids are allowed to use technology, their interest in other, healthy things goes way down. The excitement my little boys have over the fort they’re making in the backyard with various pieces of old bunk beds dissipates as soon as they know they can have their video game turn. They generally love that I try to read a book or two out loud to them during the summer, but if it’s a video game day, they’re not interested. The board games they play together and drawing contests they invent and walks they take together downtown are no longer interesting to them on video game day. I hate that!

If you’re trying to manage this better in your own house, don’t despair if you find that you’re not doing as well as you’d like! G.K. Chesterton said, “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly” (rather than not at all), and I believe it. Having rules is better than not having rules. Trying is better than not trying. Even just having a mindset that there are restrictions on your children’s technology usage will lead to more regulated usage. Baby steps are better than no steps. Two steps forward, one step back is still moving forward. Isn’t this all so true of so much of parenthood anyway?

Good luck to you in your efforts to set technology limits that you think are reasonable and appropriate for your own households! I hope you all have a wonderful July!

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 20, 18, 17, 15, 13, 11, and 6. She can be reached at kmtowne23@gmail.com.