Can you believe it’s the middle of June already?
What a three months it’s been. And now it’s almost Father’s Day! Which means it’s time for my annual attempt to thank the dads most special to me (my own Dad and my husband) for being so wonderful.
I was reading about the importance of involved fathers in the lives of their children recently, and delighted in seeing scientific support for things I’ve experienced, both as a daughter and as a mother.
Researchers have discovered that, for both boys and girls, having their fathers positively involved in their lives leads to a decrease in aggressive and high risk behavior, an increase in the probability of having high paying jobs and stable relationships, and less psychological problems throughout their lives.
“Involved fatherhood” means having an active role in the lives of their children, including caretaking and playing, even when it’s not necessarily to Mom’s taste—for example, there’s evidence that fathers tend to be less overprotective than mothers, as shown in things like roughhousing (which fathers participate in more than mothers do) and learning how to swim (which at least one study showed that fathers are better at than mothers)—things that allow children to test their abilities and boundaries, which then helps to increase their confidence.
My Dad has always been as involved as they come. I don’t ever remember him shying away from all the daily things, like pacing the floors with crying babies, doing the bedtime routine (complete with songs that I still sing to my children today), helping us with our homework, leading us in prayers, and teaching us the “right way” to do chores (his raking technique is second to none). He was the one who took us sledding and ice skating, let us watch Saturday morning cartoons and play video games, and came directly to our baseball and softball games from work, cheering us on in his suit.
Dad has always been intensely interested in everything we’ve participated in, from academics and extra curricular activities to sports and jobs. He has always encouraged us to be ambitious and to take risks when it came to positive things and life lessons, and he’s beyond proud of all of his children and everything we’ve ever accomplished. I’ve particularly come to appreciate the fact that I never once was made to feel like I couldn’t do something because I’m a woman—on the contrary, Dad had the same high expectations and certain knowledge in the abilities of his four daughters as he did for his two sons.
My husband, too, has always helped out with the kids—he’s changed at least as many diapers as I have, he makes meals for the boys probably as much as I do, he’s the one who gets up with the big boys in the night when needed (I do the babies, since I’m the only one who can breastfeed them), he brings the boys to friends’ birthday parties, and does all the weekend sports things (practices, games, opening days, etc.). He equally shares with me the efforts to bring our children up in our faith, which is such an important thing for kids to see.
If it wasn’t for my husband, my kids would never go to a playground (I can’t even watch them on the playground equipment, it makes me so nervous). He joins them in playing video games (even though I generally hate them); he lets them stay up late to watch basketball games and the Super Bowl (even though I vastly prefer a regular bedtime); he was comfortable with Star Wars and Lord of the Rings for them long before I was (they’d probably all still be watching Curious George if I had my way); he lets them drink soda sometimes (I would never let them drink soda if I had my way). So many of the things my boys will remember fondly about their childhood are things my husband did with them, introduced them to, or allowed them to do. Like my siblings and me, they are lucky, lucky children.
The Child & Family Research Partnership out of the University of Texas at Austin notes that “[i]nvolved fatherhood is linked to better outcomes on nearly every measure of child wellbeing, from cognitive development and educational achievement to self-esteem and pro-social behavior,” and the Child Welfare Information Gateway (a service of the Children’s Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services) quoted sociologist Dr. David Papenoe as saying, “Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring.”
That’s quite a statement, and quite a responsibility. Cheers to all the great dads!
I also want to acknowledge that Father’s Day isn’t easy for everyone, especially those whose dearly beloved dads have passed away, or for those fathers who have lost their children, or for those whose fathers haven’t been there the way they should have been. I’m so sorry for your sadness!
To my Dad and my husband and all the men who are trying so hard to be good fathers—Happy Father’s Day! I hope you are able to celebrate in the ways you love (in our house, if there are sports on TV, that’s what will be on all day, and I won’t even complain; I’ll also be making specially requested foods for both my husband and my dad, and we’ll have some other little treats from both me and the kids as well). We’re all so grateful for you!
Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 15, 13, 11, 10, 8, 6, and 1. Follow her at facebook.com/kmtowne23, or email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
