Years ago — nearly fourteen years ago — I wrote an article for this column called “What’s Two Weeks?” It was so long ago, in fact, that the issue isn’t available online and my own copy is buried somewhere in my desk area, so I’m going on memory here, but what I remember is that I wrote about the idea that there seems to be something about the span of two weeks being the amount of time one needs to transition from one phase to another. Specifically, I wrote about potty training.
That article was inspired by a conversation I’d had with a friend who’d gone through pottying with two or three of her own kids by that point, and how she told me back then (back when I was thinking about introducing the potty to my oldest) that when she felt like it was the right time, she basically just hunkered down at home with the potty kid and prepared for two weeks of accidents and frustrations. In her experience, after two weeks it was pretty much smooth sailing.
I really latched onto this two-week idea! Even though on the one hand, I felt like, “Ohmygosh TWO WEEKS?? I will never survive this,” I could also see that, in the grand scheme of things, two weeks is nothing!
Two weeks turned out to *not* be my boys’ timeline for the potty-learning phase, but I have thought of that two-week idea so many times since then — even if it isn’t exactly accurate, it does point to the facts that (1) it takes time to adjust to new things and circumstances, and (2) it’s okay (and necessary) to be patient with yourself.
Probably the most frequent example I have of this is when school finishes for the summer. Even though we’re all wildly excited that school is done, it takes some time to get into the summer rhythm. The well-oiled machine that we become by June every year comes grinding to a halt, and it takes some time to get the summer machine fired up. During that time, that same lack of schedule or plan for the day or week that I so looked forward to during the school year starts to frustrate me as the house falls apart, laundry gets backed up, and kids start to feel bored. But after just a short time, it all shakes out and we get into our summer groove and life is good! (Until school starts back up and we go through the whole process again. In that case, I always feel like we’re not truly back into solid and smooth school mode until Thanksgiving.)
I work on a semester schedule, so I have large chunks of time off between Christmas and the end of January and again from May until the summer session in July, and for most of August. Each time the semester ends, I feel like I sit on the couch for days trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. When the semester starts back up again, I feel like everything is out of control until I settle back into my work rhythm.
I saw it happen with my oldest this Christmas break as well. He was away at college for the fall semester, and even though he did come home some weekends, coming home for the five-week Christmas break was an adjustment! Going from classes during the semester to work during break, from one roommate at school to two at home, from independence to everyone in your business isn’t easy! And I’m sure there was an adjustment for him again when he went back for the spring semester.
I keep thinking of the phrase, “Give yourself grace,” which I quite like — it’s gentle and patient and often soothes me when I’m feeling scattered and unmoored by the end of one schedule or phase and the beginning of another. I thought of it when I read the recent news that tidying-maven Marie Kondo doesn’t tidy so much now that she has children — I don’t know a lot about her, but when I heard that I thought, “She’s giving herself grace,” adjusting to the realities of her current situation. There’s definitely something to be said for managing and relaxing expectations during challenging times!
It’s funny that this is what was on my mind this month, as this month marks one year since my youngest last wore diapers — the last time I thought about “two weeks” in regards to potty training. (It wasn’t two weeks for him!) Now I’m thinking about it in terms of my job and my son’s college experience and this coming summer, when my no. 2 will have his senior photo taken and prepare to apply to college.
Oh man. I’m pretty sure two weeks isn’t going to be nearly long enough for this mama to adjust to my next boy moving on.
Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 18, 16, 14, 12, 11, 8, and 4. Email her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
