As we celebrate Father’s Day this month many families will get together to celebrate the wisdom, guidance, love and support they have received from their Fathers. For some this is a special day filled with gratitude and warmth.
For others however, this can be a day filled with a sense of loss, anger and resentment. If you grew up with an absent father, emotionally and or physically, this can lead to a sense of dread every year the calendar marks Father’s Day. Scrolling through social media seeing pictures everywhere of Fathers and children smiling and happy can leave you feeling a sense of deep hurt and pain.
As adults it can be tough to face feelings of loss and abandonment caused by a parent. One of the best gifts you can give yourself is to honor and validate the uncomfortable feelings you have.
It’s easy to eat, drink and sleep the pain away that we may feel that resulted in a difficult parental relationship; but checking out and numbing the pain only leads to underlying depression and an inability to truly connect with others.
Take the steps you need to heal any unresolved anger and pain you may feel towards your parent so that you can move forward and experience greater joy in the relationships you have that are healthy and fulfilling.
A great way to start the healing process is to write a letter to the parent you have difficulty with and express all of your hurt and anger. Write from the perspective of childhood and explore what feelings and memories come up.
A powerful question to write at the top of a blank page is, “What was it like to be my child?” Imagine your parent is giving you the room emotionally to express yourself with zero judgement and 100% acceptance of your words. This process can begin to help you confront feelings that have been buried deep within your spirit.
Once you have written your letter, write back as the parent. You will be amazed at the insight you gain by writing from their perspective. When a parent fails to give us the attention, love, guidance and wisdom we need to thrive it is almost always related to their own trauma from their childhood.If the parent is stuck seeking approval from their parents, how can they be fully present to launch you into emotional health and resilience?
What you will find at the end of this exercise is a greater peace, understanding and perhaps compassion for the parent that failed you.
Every day we have the opportunity to reflect on the past and heal, or stay stuck in the past paralyzed from moving forward.
Take the steps you need to heal your heart and your spirit.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA. For more information go to: changeyourstoryllc.com and download your free audio course on attraction and relationships!
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