Author: Kacie Cotter-Harrigan

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I was tired almost all the time. People told me it would only get worse after the baby came, so I obsessed over trying to figure out ahead of time what the baby’s sleep habits would look like and what I could do to make them as least painful for me as possible. “When will the baby start sleeping through the night?” was the most important question that existed, and its answer — or how to make it happen — was certainly the purpose of life and the answer to everything, as far as I could tell. 

I continue to be tired much of the time, nearly seventeen years later, so needless to say, a very large portion of my motherhood has been focused on helping my children go to bed at a reasonable time and stay in bed all night.

My youngest has railed against this harder than the others, or I’ve lost my fire as I’ve gotten older, or both (probably both), and the fact that my husband found him sitting on the floor of his room — rather than in his crib — when he went to get him up in the morning a few weeks ago was just the most recent wrinkle in my years-long goal of having peaceful nights. How could I put him to bed in his crib again when I couldn’t be sure he’d stay safe inside it?

But put him to bed in his crib that night I did anyway, in the off chance his climbing out had just been a fluke, or in the even more off chance he had heard, understood, and agreed with our admonitions that that was a very dangerous thing to do and he must not climb out of his crib again. I remained on high alert that night and, indeed, early the next morning, I heard his bedroom door open and heard him crying as he walked down the stairs. So that really had to be the end of him sleeping in his crib. 

But where was I supposed to put him? Until he climbed out of his crib the first night, he’d given zero indications that such a thing might be imminent. I had started to think about how he was going to need a bed soon, but hadn’t yet done anything about it, and the only bed not currently occupied by one of the boys doesn’t have a mattress. I needed an immediate solution, even if it was only temporary, so I decided to move him into my six-year-old’s bed, with my six-year-old (one of their heads at one end, one of their heads at the other).

You’re probably wondering if this was really a good idea. You’re probably thinking that my six-year-old might resist having a new bedmate. You’re probably wondering if it’s safe to have the two youngest, very mischievous boys together in a bed without bars. You’re probably wondering if the fact that the room my six-year-old is in is also shared with three of the other boys would create a problem, with its two sets of bunk beds (which means two top bunks, which are possibly my two-year-old’s very favorite places and a source of terror for me) and so many older boys who think the baby is the cutest thing they’ve ever seen — would they really leave him alone and not wake him up when he’s sleeping? If he ever even falls asleep to begin with, in this wonderland?

You’d be smart to ask all these things, and I considered each one. Lack of other options forced my hand, so I made the best of it, and this is what has happened:

My two-year-old loves sleeping in his brother’s bed. He could not possibly love it any more than he does. He has started asking to go to bed! Just the other morning I took a picture of him, so peacefully was he sleeping in his new sleep situation even as I was waking my six-year-old up for school and yell-whispering at him to be careful and quiet getting out of bed. As for that six-year-old, I’d given him the very weighty responsibility of making sure the baby stayed in the bed and didn’t cause trouble, and he’s taken up this new responsibility with cheerfulness and seriousness. He even surrounded the baby’s pillow with his own beloved stuffed animals, all on his own.

But perhaps the biggest positive has been the fact that the baby, who had woken up in the night without fail almost every single night since last March, has done so only once since moving into the big boy bed a month ago, and that one time was during the first week when he was still getting acclimated.

It took a long time to get to the peaceful-night stage with my youngest—he’s two-and-a-half, and I could generally count on my babies being content in bed by the one-year mark. I never would have guessed that moving him into a bed with his brother would be the answer! I was telling my husband that moving the baby out of the crib and into a big boy bed felt like a real end to babyhood. “Well, that and potty training,” he said. Oh right, potty training … that’s the next task. I’m feeling energized by the bits of spring we’ve seen so far, so maybe I’m ready to handle it? Though a baby who sleeps in a big boy bed and no longer wears diapers isn’t really a baby at all, and I’m quite sure I’m not at all ready for that.

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 16, 14, 12, 11, 9, 6, and 2. Follow her at www.facebook.com/kmtowne23, or email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.

Have you ever thought of a family gathering you have to attend in the future and feel a pit in your stomach or a tightening of your chest?

Do you feel your stomach turn at the thought of having to interact with a specific colleague or manager?  Have you ever gotten sick right before being around someone whose presence makes you feel anxious and uncomfortable? 

How many times have you overridden your body’s internal GPS because you don’t want to be rude or offend anyone? How many times have you given someone else the benefit of the doubt because you were taught to be a nice person and setting boundaries seem mean?

Our bodies hold the key to helping us set boundaries and keep ourselves emotionally safe from individuals who are toxic.  When we override these nudges we will feel emotionally drained, exhausted, defeated and depleted.

How can we set boundaries and stick to them when everyone else around us seems fine?

1. Check In With Your Gut 
We have all heard the saying “Go with your gut.”  In this case, when you feel that uncomfortable sensation pay attention.  For example, if you get invited to a wedding and feel immediately uncomfortable about some of the family members you will have to interact with, pay attention to that feeling.  Listen to it and take some time to assess further.

2. History is Your Friend 
While it is important to work through traumatic past events, when it comes to setting boundaries use history as a helpful tool.

If you keep showing up to functions and the same person continues to be difficult and toxic don’t give them the benefit of the doubt for the next event.  Use history as a way to determine what boundaries you need to set for the future.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  Trade being nice for feeling secure and safe.

3. Stand Alone
Here is the tough part about setting boundaries, you may be the only one doing it in your family, your place of work, with a friend group, etc.

Do not look to other people to support your decision to set a boundary with a toxic person.  If you start looking for validation from others you may be told you are being too harsh, the toxic person means well, or that’s just the way they are and you should not take it personally. 

Setting boundaries is a skill that takes insight and practice and when you begin to do it regularly the people that have benefited from you having no boundaries will start to question your behavior. 

When this happens it may cause you to second guess yourself and make poor decisions that continue to make you feel uncomfortable.  Don’t take the bait!  The easiest way to know if you need to set some boundaries is to let your body guide you. A continuous uneasy feeling is a tell tale sign that you need to make a change.

Our bodies can be a wonderful GPS to guide us into better relationships and to help us take action against chronic boundary violaters.  Don’t wait until you feel sick with dis-ease to make changes, pay attention to the first sign your body gives you and keep practicing this awareness until it begins to feel automatic.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing at Fritz, Stanger & Associates. For more information visit www.fritzstanger.com

This column usually addresses legal matters related to estate planning and elder law.  This time of year, however, I sometimes get questions related to challenging property tax assessments.  I thought it would be useful to review some of the basic rules of the road for those who are considering a property tax assessment challenge this Spring.

The property tax assessment challenge procedure has a variety of terms and concepts that can be difficult to understand, such as:  taxable status dates, equalization rates, and valuation dates.  For those not familiar with the rules, it can lead to confusion and misunderstanding.  Below is a brief Q&A that I hope will bring some clarity to the process.

What is an equalization rate? 
An equalization rate is the State’s measure of a municipality’s level of assessment. The equalization rate varies by municipality, and it is a percentage of full market value of the properties in a municipality.  For example, the 2021 equalization rate for Saratoga Springs is 61%.  So – in a general sense, properties in Saratoga Springs are considered by the State to be assessed at 61% of their full market value.  For example, if your house is assessed at $200,000, then that equates to a full market value of $327,869 ($327,869 x 61% = $200,000).  If you look at your most recent property tax bill (which relates to last year’s assessment roll), you will see an “assessed value” and a “full market value” listed for your property. 

Why isn’t the equalization rate 100%? 
If your municipality’s equalization rate was 100% last year, then your assessed value would equal your full market value in this year’s tax bills, which were recently sent out.  In some municipalities this is the case.  In fact, in Saratoga County, about half of the cities and towns have an equalization rate of 85% or greater.  Equalization rates can drop from 100% over time if the municipality does not conduct a general reassessment of all properties and property values rise over time.  The last city-wide revaluation in Saratoga Springs was done in 2005.

Why is the equalization rate important?  
It is important because you need to understand the difference between your assessed value (which may stay the same over time if the Assessor does not change it) and the resulting full market value after the equalization rate is considered.  If you want to decide whether or not to challenge your assessment, you need to look at the full market value on your assessment and decide if you think that is higher than the fair market value of your home.

If I want to challenge my assessment, what do I do?
If you want to challenge your assessment, you need to file an RP-524 form with your local Board of Assessment Review by Grievance Day, which is usually the fourth Tuesday in May.  Grievance Days can vary, so it is best to check with your local assessment office.  More information is available at www.tax.ny.gov/pit/property/contest/grievproced.htm. 

What happens after I file my grievance?
The local BAR will review it and decide whether to keep your assessment the same or lower it.  The BAR will generally allow you to appear before them on Grievance Day to explain your argument.

What if the BAR doesn’t lower my assessment?
If you are grieving the assessment for your residence, you can appeal the decision in a Small Claims Assessment Review (SCAR) hearing before an independent hearing officer.  At that hearing, you will be able to make your case for a lower assessment, and the Assessor will be able to respond.  If the property you’re grieving is not your residence, you will likely instead have to file an Article 7 petition challenging your assessment in Supreme Court.

Do I need a lawyer to challenge my assessment?
You generally do not need a lawyer, unless you are filing an Article 7 petition in Supreme Court.  It is advisable, however, that you hire an appraiser to do an appraisal of your property to support your argument.

What is a taxable status date and a valuation date?
For the 2021 tax assessment roll, your property will be valued as of a valuation date of July 1st of the prior year – so July 1, 2020.  It will be valued as of what is physically there as of March 1st of the assessment year – so March 1, 2021 for the 2021 assessment year.

Why are these dates important?
If you hire an appraiser to appraise your property for an assessment challenge in 2021, you should tell them to appraise it as of what was physically there on March 1, 2021 but with a valuation as of July 1, 2020.

How do I know if I should challenge my assessment?
Over the years, I’ve had many people tell me they think their taxes are too high and that they want to challenge their assessment.  I usually ask them this question in response – If you were to sell your house tomorrow, would you sell it for less than the full market value listed on your tax assessment?  If the answer is no and you would expect to get more, you are likely not going to challenge your assessment and win.  If your answer is yes, and you think you could likely not sell it for the full market value listed on your assessment, then you should talk to an appraiser and potentially consider a challenge.

Equalization rates, valuation dates, assessed values, full market values, and on and on – it can be quite confusing.  Hopefully, this Q&A will allow you to navigate the terms and procedures and help you understand whether an assessment challenge makes sense for you. 

Matthew J. Dorsey, Esq. is a Partner with O’Connell and Aronowitz, 1 Court St, Saratoga Springs, NY.  Over his 23 years of practice, he has focused in the areas of elder law, estate planning, and estate administration.  Mr. Dorsey can be reached at 518-584-5205, mdorsey@oalaw.com, and www.oalaw.com.

One of the best things you can do for your low back to help prevent pain and injury is to strengthen your core muscles.

When most people think about their core they think about the abdominal muscles but it actually includes groups of muscles found in your back, buttocks, sides and pelvis. These muscles all play key roles in providing stability for your low back.  If these muscles are weak, your body will rely more on surrounding passive structures for stability such as ligaments and the spinal column itself which can lead to injuries such as sprains and injuries of the intervertebral discs.

Strengthening your core muscles will help reduce the strain on your back and provide stability for the spine which will reduce or prevent pain. Strong core muscles can also lead to better balance and help prevent falls. It is important, however, to strengthen all aspects of the core and not just focus on the abs.  Imbalances in core strength can also lead to injuries such as muscle strains. Below are some recommended exercises that will help strengthen all of the core muscles:

Seventy percent of people age 65 today will need long-term care at some point in their life.

The odds of at least one spouse needing care jumps to over ninety percent. Planning for the likelihood of needing long-term care should be an important consideration for most retirees. 

The default plan, when you haven’t planned, is that you will pay out of pocket until your assets have been depleted to the point that you qualify for Medicaid. In other words, you’ve become impoverished enough to quality for a social welfare program. 

For people who don’t have heirs, don’t have a spouse, and don’t mind receiving care in a nursing home, this may be a fine plan. For most people, however, other concerns make paying out of pocket an undesirable way to provide for their care.

If you pay out-of-pocket, you’re essentially self-insuring. You’re betting that the risk and cost of long-term care are something you’re willing and able to bear, and if they aren’t that you’re comfortable receiving care in a nursing home. For those who have heirs, a spouse, or who want to stay in their homes, long-term care insurance is the simplest solution for addressing this need. 

People typically purchase long-term care insurance for two reasons. 

Most people want to control the mode of care they receive. In other words, it’s generally desirable to receive care in-home, surrounded by your loved-ones, and in a familiar setting. This allows for a better quality of life than you might otherwise expect in a nursing home. Long-term care insurance allows you to receive care at home, in an assisted living facility, or in nursing home, as your needs demand. 

The second reason people purchase long-term care insurance is to protect their assets for use by a spouse, or to be passed to their heirs. How will your spouse maintain their standard of living after you’ve passed, if you’ve spent all of your assets on your care?

Many people wrongly think that Medicare pays for long-term care insurance, but it does not. Medicaid is the program that would pay for care. 

In order to qualify for Medicaid, you must first spend down your assets to the point that you (and likely, your spouse) are considered impoverished. When applying, you’ll need to show proof that you haven’t given any money away in the last five years, and if you have, it could affect your eligibility. In fact, you will be required to show five years’ worth of monthly statements for every account you’ve held during that period. 

A long-term care policy allows you to have a solution on the shelf for when you need it, and gives you the peace of mind of knowing that, not only will you be taken care of in the manner you desire, but your care won’t be a burden on family, and your assets can be protected. 

It’s best to apply for a long-term care policy in your late fifties or early sixties, when you are likely to still be healthy enough to qualify. Premiums may seem high to many, but when you consider the likelihood of needing care, and the fact that care can cost upward of $100,000 per year, the relative cost of the policies make sense. 

As you get older the risk to you and your family shift from the risks associated with premature death, to the risks associated with failing health. Once your working years have passed, the economic risk of your death often becomes minimal. In consideration of that, redirecting premium dollars away from life insurance and toward long-term care insurance might make sense. 

Long-term care insurance may not be appropriate for everyone, but too many are too quick to dismiss it before they’ve done their due diligence. You owe it to yourself, and your family, to explore your options and make an informed decision about how you wish to receive care in the future.

Stephen Kyne, CFP® is a Partner at Sterling Manor Financial in Saratoga Springs and Rhinebeck. Securities offered through Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc. Member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory services offered through Sterling Manor Financial, LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor or Cadaret Grant & Co., Inc. Sterling Manor Financial and Cadaret, Grant are separate entities.