Author: Kacie Cotter-Harrigan

I think schedules have always been important to me.

I’ve always hated not knowing what comes next and when, hated not being able to plan my day because of the unknown, hated when my plan had to change because of last-minute unexpected schedule changes, but I didn’t really know how much those things mattered to me until I became a mother.

In my motherhood, especially with babies, my issue with schedules has mostly manifested itself in sleeping and eating: Those two things are so important for me as a mother that I will move heaven and earth and every bit of my own hoped-for schedule of the day to make sure my babies have all the opportunities they need to nurse, get a sufficient nap, go to bed at a reasonable time, and sleep as much as possible through as much of the night as their development allows. I’m totally fine with the baby dictating to me when he’s hungry and tired, which, with my babies, quickly starts to show a fairly predictable rhythm, and then I stick to his rhythm without distraction (until he changes it, as growing babies do). I have never minded putting in the slow, steady, consistent, sometimes two-steps-forward-one-step-back work to really get the baby and I in a good groove—peaceful, sleepful nights with full tummies are my goal, both for baby’s good health and so that I don’t lose my mind.

As my boys have grown, my insistence on a semblance of predictability has taken on different appearances: Once they’re old enough that they’re no longer nursing and bedtime is no longer an issue, my priority shifts to how to keep things as peaceful as possible during the day. Certainly, “peaceful” takes on new meaning when there are seven boys tumbling around, but what I mean is that I have in my mind a schedule of the day—blocks of time that we can deviate from if needed or wanted, but that are easy to slip back into if things are getting out of control. Never do I find this mindset more helpful than in summertime.

For nearly a decade, my summer routine has looked like this: Everybody downstairs by 8 a.m. (no sleeping in, because that will interfere with naps and bedtime later), then breakfast, then children outside until lunch. (During that time I do what needs to be done in the house.) Lunch is followed by a quick pick-up of the house, then I read to them for up to an hour (Charlotte’s Web has almost always been the book we start with in the summer), then we have quiet time for a couple of hours. Then I start dinner, Dad comes home, we eat, we hang out together, the boys go to bed. It’s a good, healthy, simple, predictable daily schedule. (Do note that the older boys—middle school and older—don’t have to stick to this schedule. It’s amazing how self-sufficient big kids are!)

This summer, I decided to change things up a bit. I was most inspired by our school-at-home schedule from this past spring—the little boys and I did school until lunchtime, and then we had a similar schedule as summer for the rest of the day: lunch, clean-up, quiet time, etc. When we had a week off of school for Easter break, in order to keep our momentum going, I replaced “school” with “cleaning” and we all did a pretty great job getting the house in good order in just a week. So I decided to try that as our new summer schedule: Everybody downstairs by 8am, then breakfast, then an hour or two of cleaning (I came up with jobs for each of us, myself included), then outside time, then lunch, etc.

Except, I now have six children who are older than Kindergarten age and a baby who’s really not a baby anymore. This changes things! My original motivation, all those years ago, was, ultimately, to allow for peaceful nights. A busy day and regular naps and bedtime for the little guys almost always allowed this to happen. But what I’m finding this summer is that, on the whole, we’ve moved on!

On the first morning of the first week of summer vacation, I found myself sitting on the couch feeling like the mental exhaustion from the spring was catching up with me. Despite my desire to jump immediately into our new schedule, I just had to sit for a few minutes. The baby was happily playing, the other boys were behaving, and the next thing I knew it was nearly lunchtime. What a peaceful morning it had been! And I hadn’t even had to assign chores or send anyone outside to make it happen!

The next morning, I thought I’d try it again—and again, we had a peaceful, relaxing morning! This time, I felt energized enough to get us all cleaning for a bit before lunch, and I even went outside with the baby and middle boys. Next day, same.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a nursing baby or a baby who doesn’t sleep well that I’m able to deviate from my schedule a bit without feeling like the world is spinning out of control. Maybe I’m becoming used to having to adjust my preferences because of new pandemic requirements. Maybe this is just one of the many crazy things 2020 has come up with. Whatever the reason, I’m not hating it.

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 15, 13, 12, 10, 8, 6, and 1.
Follow her at facebook.com/kmtowne23, or email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.

WE HAVE ALL HAD THE EXPERIENCE OF DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE.

Whether it’s a parent, colleague, spouse, or friend having to interact with a difficult person can be extremely challenging and exhausting. Having a strategy to deal with these types of people is the key to keeping yourself healthy as well as keeping your energy level free of drama and chaos.

Usually people that are difficult to deal with have some kind of personality disorder.A personality disorder is most likely to develop when a person has no sense of self-worth or inner strength.They rely on others for constant admiration and attention and resort to manipulative techniques to always get what they want.

In most cases personality disorders develop when a person fails to receive love and approval from one or both parents.  In an attempt to create that love and security that was lacking, they rely on other people to fill up this emptiness. The relationships become parasitic in nature as the person with the personality disorder needs a “host” to fill up their empty core.

If you are dealing with someone who has a personality disorder, you will most likely feel exhausted, confused, second guess yourself constantly and feel criticized and manipulated.Communication is circular in nature and you can’t ever seem to get a clear picture of what is going on.  You may feel that your energy is completely drained after an interaction with this type of person.

This draining feeling stems from their subtle attempt to break you down and make you feel that you are the one in the wrong.Guilt and condemnation are the tools they use to feel in control and in charge.They have difficulty admitting when they are wrong and will manipulate every situation to put the blame on you.Relationships with these types of people can leave you feeling empty, confused and depressed.

If you have someone in your life with a personality disorder, recognize that their issue has absolutely NOTHING to do with you.This is a complex, deep rooted mental health disorder that developed in childhood as a way to feel fulfilled.When you detach from internalizing their lack,you begin to see the person as someone who suffers from an illness, which in turn, enables you to see the picture more clearly.This detachment protects you from the inner turmoil that occurs from being around this toxic energy.

The key to communicating with someone who has a personality disorder is to stick to the facts.They will attempt to use a circular communication style that leaves you scratching your head and feeling beyond confused. Stick completely to the facts and do not let them enfold you into their web of manipulation. 

For example, if you feel frustrated and want to express your feelings use this approach:
“The fact is you were late and it’s disrespectful.” 
“The fact is I sent you the report you asked me to complete one week ago and you have not responded.”
“The fact is I will not engage in this discussion with you as I have done nothing wrong.”

Using this simple phrase takes the emotional charge out of the interaction and enables you to remain in a place of neutrality and strength.  Emotional drama to people suffering from a personality disorder is like putting lighter fluid on a gasoline tank. It keeps them warm and comfortable because they are in charge of your emotions and reactions.  Sticking to the facts cuts the wires to the bomb that is about to ignite. 

When using this style of communication, pay attention to how the other person responds to your factual way of communicating.  This keen awareness will completely disable their ability to spin you in a circle. You may find that the person becomes completely frustrated and angry once you stop engaging in the game.

I am often asked if people with personality disorders can be treated and cured.  The fact is they have to want to make the changes necessary to get healthy and develop a strong inner core.Without the desire to change there is very little chance that the person will get healthy.

It often takes a compelling event to wake this type of person up.  Death of a loved one, loss of a job, or a life threatening illness can be a trigger to push them to deal with the emptiness they feel.They need to develop insight into their manipulative behavior and once this insight is found the road to recovery can be successful.

 The best treatment for this type of person is in how you interact with them.  Once you stop the cycle of dysfunction they don’t have a willing participant to engage in the dysfunctional pattern of a parasitic relationship.

Remember, if you feel confused, frustrated, anxious, full of self-doubt and drained you are most likely interacting with someone who has a personality disorder.Take a step back, assess the situation, detach from any emotion and stick to the facts.This will protect your self-esteem and put a stop to the manipulation that the person with a personality disorder thrives upon.

Don’t spend another minute being held hostage to emotional manipulation, get the clarity and help you need to break free and live in peace.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College, PA. For more information email: meghanfritzlcsw@gmail.com 

To say that the first half of 2020 hasn’t gone according to plan would be a bit of an understatement. 

What began as a year full of promise, with markets setting new records almost immediately out of the gate, has turned into a once-in-a-lifetime event with repercussions that will be felt for years to come. As hard as it is to find anything good to say about this year, there are actually silver linings which bode well for the future of the economy, and society.

Very often people ask me how the stock markets can be doing so well, when the economy appears to be doing so poorly. This apparent disconnect leads people to often believe that the market is on a “sugar high,” and it erodes their faith in the markets. Not understanding why something is doesn’t make it untrue.

In simplest terms, because the markets are forward looking, they don’t very much care about whether data is good or bad, on the surface. Markets care about whether data is better or worse than expected. For example, when the unprecedented shutdowns began, panicked markets lost upwards of 30% very quickly, without any actual data justifying it. Markets had baked-in a reduction in corporate profits of 60-80% in anticipation of a prolonged shutdown – a worst-case scenario. That has set the bar extremely low. 

GDP figures for the second quarter are expected to be atrocious, with numbers from -35% to -50%.  The lower the bar, the easier it is to beat. Economies began reopening six weeks ago, businesses leveraged technological innovation and revamped their processes to continue producing, individuals shifted even more of their purchasing to the internet. It’s entirely possible that a seemingly catastrophic GDP number could send markets higher as long as it beats those very low expectations. You’ve already seen this happen with the last two big jobs reports.

With two consecutive quarters of negative growth, there are many out there who are eager say we are in a recession. While that may technically be true, the similarity ends at the technicality. Recessions happen when there is a systemic issue in the economy affecting growth. That is not the case here; what we are experiencing is entirely self-inflicted. Our economy was exceedingly strong before this event and that will help us power through the headwinds and, though it will take time, achieve new highs.

There are those out there who liken this experience to a natural disaster, and so they expect a recovery at the pace one might expect after a disaster. This is a deeply flawed comparison because natural disasters destroy capital. They require the rebuilding of factories, homes and infrastructure. This experience has left capital intact. 

Technology has been the saving grace of this event, as it has been in so many before it. Imagine forcing 300 million people to stay home in 1997, before Netflix, Amazon, Doordash, Instacart, and even texting. The ability to keep people home, productive, and entertained, while providing access to basic needs allowed the healthcare industry to build excess capacity and deal with the crisis. 

There have been two other unintended developments made possible by technology which will have lasting effects.

First, the need for businesses to retain employees, while keeping them productive has forced technological innovation in the way nearly every employee is able to do their job. If you haven’t been working from home, you have certainly placed a call to a call center only to find the voice on the other end of the line was sitting at their kitchen table. While I don’t think we’ll all be working from home forever, the technologies being developed to enable it will surely make the economy as a whole even more efficient in the way it uses resources and labor.

Second, this event has forced adoption of new technologies by a whole segment of the population not otherwise considered to be early adopters. 

Think of all of the older folks who have not been able to see their doctors for routine appointments, instead relying on telemedicine. While they may have been reluctant at first, they’ve now experienced the convenience of waiting for their doctor to join a video meeting from their kitchen table, as opposed to driving to an office and waiting an hour in a lobby just to be seen. 

This forced adoption means that this population is already going to be primed to more quickly accept whatever technologies come after telemedicine. The same is true in banking, mortgages, real estate, and endless other industries.

Where do we go from here? It’s very hard to say, since the majority of the damage done, economically speaking, is due to governmental response, another shutdown could dramatically curtail the rate of the recovery. While we think another full shutdown seems unlikely, it is possible. 

What we do know from experience is that 100% of times the US markets have experienced a pullback they have eventually recovered. That is certainly no guarantee, but it is a great track record.

We believe in the strength and diversity of the US economy to pull through in the long-run. That doesn’t mean that every sector will recover at the same rate, or even at all, but the economy as a whole should. You should continue to work very closely with your CFP® to help ensure that your plan stays updated, and your assets remain poised to capitalize on the areas of the economy that are leading the recovery.

Stephen Kyne, CFP® is a Partner at Sterling Manor Financial, LLC in Saratoga Springs and Rhinebeck.

Securities offered through Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc. Member FINRA/SIPC. Advisory services offered through Sterling Manor Financial, LLC, or Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc., SEC registered investment advisors. Sterling Manor Financial and Cadaret, Grant are separate entities. This article contains opinion and forward-looking statements which are subject to change. Consult your investment advisor regarding your own investment needs.

In March of this year, I wrote a column entitled “Estate Planning in a Time of Crisis,” which outlined possible options for having your estate planning documents witnessed and notarized during the Coronavirus crisis.  There have been some important developments since that time that merit this update.

In my column in March, I noted how remote notarization was authorized by Governor Cuomo in his Executive Order 202.7.  This capability has been extraordinarily important, given the fact that access to Notary Public services has been severely restricted since the outbreak of the Coronavirus.

Typically, people could get a Notary to notarize their signature at their attorney’s office, their local bank, or potentially at a local city or town hall.  When the Coronavirus hit, attorneys’ offices were closed, and banks and municipal offices limited their personal contact with customers and residents.

The remote notarization authority allowed by Executive Order 202.7 has been a welcome tool for legal practitioners to continue to notarize documents for clients.  Documents needing notarization include Powers of Attorney, Deeds, Affidavits, and various important legal agreements. 

REMOTE NOTARIZATION
More than just notarization by video conference 

It is important to note that remote notarization is not as simple as having the Notary watch you sign a notarized document via video conference with FaceTime, Zoom, or Skype.  Executive Order 202.7 has specific additional procedures, including the necessity that the full notarized document be faxed or electronically transmitted to the Notary after the Notary watches the individual sign the document via video conference.  That transmission must occur the same day as the signing. 

After the Notary receives the transmitted document, they may notarize that copy and transmit it back to the signer.  The signer then, in turn, may mail the original and the copy back to the Notary within thirty days.  When the Notary receives the original and the copy in the mail, they can then notarize the original.

There are additional procedures involved, but it useful to understand the basic flow of the documents back and forth between the signer and the Notary.  To the extent that this document exchange and additional procedures are not followed properly, the notarization could be subject to legal challenge.  As a result, you should make sure the provider of remote notarization services is familiar with the specific requirements of Executive Order 202.7

REMOTE WITNESSING
An Important New Development

After Executive Order 202.7 was signed in March allowing remote notarization, Governor Cuomo later signed Executive Order 202.14 in April.  Executive Order 202.14 allows for remote witnessing of certain legal documents, including Wills and Health Care Proxies.  This is an important new development, which means that the basic documents for an individual’s estate plan (Will, Health Care Proxy, and Power of Attorney), can now all be witnessed and notarized remotely.

In my column in March, I noted that remote supervision of Will and Health Care Proxy execution could be possible if the signer of those documents had two appropriate witnesses present with them.  In practice, some people found it very difficult to secure two appropriate people to serve as witnesses because of quarantine and social distancing issues.

By virtue of the authority granted in Executive Order 202.14,
the two witnesses to a Will or Health Care Proxy signing need not be in the same location as the signer.  The requirements for remote witnessing are similar to the requirements for remote notarization, but not exactly
the same.

The Executive Order for remote notarization states that the signer “must” transmit the signed document to the Notary by fax or electronic means the same day it is signed.  The Executive Order for remote witnessing states that the signer “may” transmit the signature pages of the document to the witnesses by fax or electronic means the same day they were signed.  It has been said that this distinction was deliberate and would allow a signer of a Will or Health Care Proxy to make a copy of the signature pages and physically deliver them to the witnesses (potentially to a drop box, for example), thereby alleviating the need of the signer to have access to email or a fax machine.

Due to extensions of the original authority granted by the Governor, both remote notarization and remote witnessing are still available in New York.  Presumably, the authority will eventually expire, so anyone attempting to use either procedure should check to make sure it is still legally permissible.

Now that law offices are starting to open up in our area as part of the Phase 2, the need for remote notarization and remote witnessing will presumably decrease.  There may still be a need for these procedures for our more vulnerable communities, such as elderly persons in quarantine or nursing home residents subject to visitor limitations.  If you are in need of such services, you should contact an experienced estate planning attorney in your area to ensure all necessary legal procedures are followed.

Matthew J. Dorsey, Esq. is a Partner with O’Connell and Aronowitz, 1 Court St., Saratoga Springs.  Over his twenty-three years of practice, he has focused in the areas of elder law, estate planning, and estate administration. Mr. Dorsey can be reached at 518-584-5205, mdorsey@oalaw.com, and www.oalaw.com.

Every year, more than 27 million Americans visit a chiropractor to receive an adjustment. 

There are a lot of benefits to chiropractic adjustments including pain management, improved performance and general health. In order to see the best possible results though, you should be seeing the chiropractor on a regular basis.

BENEFITS OF CHIROPRACTIC ADJUSTMENTS:
When most people think about visiting a chiropractor, they think about seeking treatment for back or neck pain. While chiropractors can help with these issues, they can help with many other health problems as well, including the following:

• Fewer Headaches/Migraines
Many people who suffer from chronic headaches and migraines have found relief from regular chiropractic adjustments. Often, when the spine is misaligned, it can lead to pressure and tension throughout the body that manifests as a headache or migraine. Chiropractors can also provide people who suffer from headaches and migraines with techniques to use at home that will help keep them at bay.

• Improved Posture
These days, it’s not hard to find someone who’s posture is less than ideal. Chiropractic adjustments, combined with at-home stretching and strengthening exercises, can be very helpful to folks who suffer from scoliosis or other postural issues.

• Improved Athletic Performance
Many athletes receive regular chiropractic adjustments. Adjustments help to maximize range of motion, minimize inflammation and can speed up the recovery process, which is crucial for athletes who want to feel and perform their best during every game and practice session. 

• Stronger Immune System
Because it helps to minimize inflammation throughout the body, chiropractic care can help to strengthen the immune system and help improve the body’s ability to fight off infection.

HOW OFTEN SHOULD YOU GET ADJUSTED?
Clearly, there are plenty of benefits that come with regular chiropractic adjustments. What exactly does “regular” mean, though? Do you need to visit the chiropractor once per day? Once per week? In short, it depends. The frequency with which you need to visit the chiropractor depends on a variety of factors, including the following:

• The specific condition for which you’re receiving treatment
• The severity of your symptoms
• How well you respond to and start seeing results from the adjustments

You will need to see a chiropractor on a more frequent basis when you first start seeking treatment. They may ask you to come in once a week or several times per week to be adjusted. Over time, though, as you start to respond to treatment and see results, you’ll be able to come in on a less frequent basis. Soon, you’ll get to the point where you only need to come in every few weeks or months for maintenance adjustments.

MAINTENANCE ADJUSTMENTS
As the name suggests, maintenance adjustments are designed to help you maintain the results you’ve seen from your chiropractic adjustments.

Maintenance adjustments are very important if you want to see long-term results. They can help to keep your spine in proper alignment so that you don’t see a recurrence of your symptoms later on. When you visit the chiropractor for regular maintenance adjustments (usually on a monthly basis), they can also catch imbalances and misalignment issues early and correct them faster. This, in turn, will result in less discomfort for you. It’ll also prevent you from having to start at the beginning with another round of aggressive treatment.