So many of my old columns have been on my mind these days, and this one — which I wrote with Valentine’s Day in mind fourteen years ago — has always been one of my favorites. Our life looks very different now, but I remember each of these things like they were just yesterday, and the sentiments still hold true for me. Happy Valentine’s Day to you all!

I think it’s fair to say intimacy tends to mean a certain thing to most people, especially around Valentine’s Day, but a different kind of intimacy is what I had in mind recently as a small bottom waggled at me impatiently, waiting to be cleaned after using the potty, while another boy yelled from another bathroom that he, too, was done and needed to be helped with cleaning himself.

Here in the intimacy of our family, and in all other families I would imagine, especially those with very young children, bodies and their parts are rarely private things. What with diaper changes and potty training and bath time and breastfeeding and little ones who charge into the bathroom while I’m in the shower yelling, “I need Mama!” and then fling the shower curtain aside with gusto and a huge smile that clearly says, “I know you’re so happy to see me, Mom!” it sometimes seems very Garden of Eden-ish around here.

I remember thinking I’d really come up with something good when I instituted the rule that we only talk about potty things in the bathroom. That way, I figured, I wasn’t stifling anyone’s need to ask real questions about real issues involving private things, and at the same time I was teaching that there is a time and a place for everything, and let’s be appropriate and gentlemanly please.

Somehow, even though we’re still constantly reminding, “We only talk about that in the bathroom!” such topics continue to be snickered at during meals, during play, during movies, during church.

The questions needing to be answered and the conversations needing to be had about bodily functions and privacy and modesty and personal space and why one should “remember, you must never touch a lady like that!” are, I have to admit, one of the more interesting parts of being a mom to me. I actually kind of love when I can help my boys understand better the beauty and wonder with which we were all made, and the respect and dignity all bodies deserve. 

But there’s more than that, too, in regards to intimacy: As I write this, my two-year-old is sitting on my lap, having sought me out in a moment of anguish over it not being his turn with a certain toy; now calmed, he rests his head on my shoulder and sighs and rubs the hem of my shirt absentmindedly between his fingers — being so familiar with another and knowing where to find comfort and unqualified, unconditional love is a very intimate thing.

As is being accepted for just who you are. I’ve often thought, in darker moments, how little the boys realize how very unlovable they make themselves sometimes and how very blessed they are that I love them as I do, in spite of their difficult parts. But of course the same goes for me — I am no model of an easy-to-love person, and the ones I love the most see my very worst sides, often, and still keep me and love me and seek me out, for their own comfort, yes, but even sometimes just for my company.

Like in the peaceful quiet of the early morning, when I’m nursing the baby in bed, it is not uncommon for a certain small boy to walk sleepily into our bedroom, climb up next to his dad and sit cross-legged and tufty-haired to tell us about the dreams he had last night. It never seems to matter that I’m unshowered, that my teeth are unbrushed, that I’m feeling appealing and attractive to no one. These small moments are each treasures, and this way of being with each other, stripped down to just what we are, in trust and love, is such a healthy, happy, and wholesome way to live.

I don’t think it’s crazy to think that the sharing and caring of bodies and selves here, now, in this context of love and commitment and responsibility, will help teach and reinforce for our sons that such intimacy, precious and vulnerable as it is, is always and only safest within the context of a conscious and committed decision to love another, to give oneself sincerely for another, desiring only the good of the beloved.

At least, that’s my fervent and lofty hope, as I clean and care for these little bodies and bottoms that I know better than my own. Here, where seemingly nothing is sacred, everything is.

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 20, 18, 16, 14, 13, 10, and 6. Email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.

Walking is one of the simplest, yet most effective forms of exercise available to everyone, regardless of age or fitness level. It’s a low-impact activity that can be done almost anywhere and at any time, making it an accessible choice for many people. Whether you’re looking to improve your fitness, lose weight, enhance your mood, or simply enjoy the great outdoors, initiating a walking program can yield significant health benefits.

Steps to Start Your Walking Program 

Step 1: Determine Your Goals

Begin by defining what you want to achieve. Are you looking to walk for fitness, weight loss, or simply to relax?

Consider setting SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) to help keep you motivated. For example:

-”I will walk for 30 minutes, five times a week for the next month.”

-”I aim to increase my walking distance to 10,000 steps a day by the end of two months.”

Step 2: Prepare with the Right Gear

Invest in a good pair of walking shoes that provide adequate support and comfort. Quality shoes can help prevent injuries like blisters or joint pain. Additionally, wear breathable, moisture-wicking clothing suited for the weather conditions to enhance your walking experience.

Step 3: Create a Walking Schedule

Establish a routine by selecting specific days and times for your walks. Consistency is crucial. If you’re a beginner, you might start with shorter walks to build stamina. For example:

-Week 1: Walk for 10-15 minutes daily.

-Week 2: Increase to 20 minutes each day.

-Week 3: Aim for 30 minutes at a comfortable pace.

Step 4: Choose Your Walking Routes

Select different routes to keep your walks interesting. Parks, trails, and safe neighborhoods can provide varied scenery and make your walks more enjoyable. Remember to consider safety; choose well-lit, populated areas, especially if you’re walking alone.

Step 5: Incorporate a Warm-up and Cool Down

Begin your walks with a 5-minute warm-up. This can include gentle stretching or walking at a slower pace. After your walk, cool down with some light stretches to prevent stiffness and promote flexibility.

Step 6: Stay Motivated

To maintain motivation:

– Log Your Progress: Use a journal or an app to track your walking time and distance. Celebrate your milestones!

– Find a Walking Buddy: Partnering with a friend or family member can make walking more enjoyable and keep you accountable.

– Set Challenges: Add variety by exploring new routes or incorporating intervals of brisk walking.

– Listen to Music or Podcasts: Enjoy your favorite music or an engaging podcast to make your walks more enjoyable.

Step 7: Listen to Your Body

Pay attention to how your body feels during and after each walk. If you experience pain or discomfort, don’t hesitate to take a break or adjust your routine. It’s essential to progress at a pace that feels right for you.

Step 8: Gradually Increase Intensity

As your fitness improves, progressively increase the intensity of your walks. This may involve walking for longer periods, incorporating hills or adjusting your pace to include intervals of brisk walking. Variety will keep your routine fresh and engaging.

Starting a walking program can be one of the best decisions you make for your health. With its multitude of physical and mental benefits, walking can transform your lifestyle and improve your overall well-being. By setting clear goals, investing in proper gear, and adhering to a structured routine, you can embark on a fulfilling walking journey. Remember, the most important aspect is to enjoy the process—so lace up your shoes, step outside, and embrace the joy of walking. Happy walking!

Dr. Matt Smith has been a Chiropractor in Saratoga Springs for 36 years. He and his daughter Dr. Kevy Smith Minogue can be reached at 518-587-2064 or at MySaratogaChiropractor.com.

The rules have changed regarding when a beneficiary must take money out of their inherited retirement plan or IRA account, referred to here as an “Inherited Account”.  The SECURE Act of 2019 and the SECURE 2.0 Act of 2022 set up new rules for Inherited Accounts, including whether beneficiaries must take money out of those accounts on an annual basis. 

It is important to understand these new rules so you may make the best choices for you and your family and avoid significant IRS penalties that could reduce your inheritance. 

When must a surviving spouse take money out of their Inherited Account? 

Generally, the surviving spouse of the original retirement account owner (“Owner”) may withdraw the balance of their Inherited Account over the course of their lifetime.

Other beneficiaries who may withdraw their Inherited Account over their lifetime include: (a) disabled and chronically ill persons, (b) minor children of the Owner (until they turn 21 years old), and (c) persons not more than ten years younger than the Owner.   Each of these beneficiaries are known as an Eligible Designated Beneficiary (“EDB”). 

What if you are not an EDB?

In general, a Non-Eligible Designated Beneficiary (“NEDB”) must withdraw the entire balance of the Inherited Account within ten years after the Owner’s death. 

Do those beneficiaries need to make annual withdrawals? 

If the Owner was required to take annual distributions out of their account prior to their death (known as required minimum distributions or “RMDs”), then the NEDB must take out their own annual RMDs based on their life expectancy.  This requirement is in addition to the requirement that the Inherited Account be fully distributed within ten years.  Based on the size of the account and the RMDs required, the Inherited Account may end up being fully distributed in less than ten years. 

What if the Owner was not required to take RMDs? 

If the Owner was not required to take RMDs at the time of their death, then the NEDB is not required to take their own RMDs annually after the Owner dies.  They do, however, still need to withdraw all of the funds out of the Inherited Account within ten years of the Owner’s death.  This can be very beneficial in terms of deferring and lowering taxes, because the NEDB can wait to withdraw the funds until year nine or year ten, perhaps after they retire, when they are potentially in a lower tax bracket.  

Are Roth retirement plans and IRA accounts treated the same?

No, NEDBs who inherit Roth retirement plans or IRA accounts are not required to take annual RMDs.  The NEDB of a Roth retirement plan or IRA account is free to decide when to withdraw funds from the account, as long as the entire account is distributed within ten (10) years of the original participant/owner’s death.  Spouses and other EDBs do not have to withdraw funds from Roth retirement plans or IRA accounts within ten years of the original participant/owner’s death.  They are free to withdraw the funds whenever they wish during their lifetimes.  Roth distributions are tax free, whether you are an EDB or a NEDB.

The rules regarding Inherited Accounts are complex and making sure you make the right choices for you and your family can be daunting.  In order to assure you minimize taxes and make the best decisions, it is advisable to consult an experienced estate planning professional or tax advisor.

Anna R. Myers Norton is an associate attorney with O’Connell and Aronowitz, 1 Court Street, Saratoga Springs, New York.  Anna’s practice is focused in the areas of trusts and estates law, including estate planning and estate administration. 

In the world of investing, sometimes the only certainty is uncertainty. Economic fluctuations, market volatility, and unforeseen global events can significantly impact the value of your investments. During such uncertain times, diversification becomes an essential strategy to mitigate risk and potentially enhance returns. But what exactly is diversification, and why is it so crucial for investors?

Diversification is an investment strategy that involves spreading your investments across a variety of asset classes, sectors, and geographical regions. The primary objective of diversification is to reduce risk by ensuring that the performance of any single investment does not excessively impact the overall performance of your portfolio. Essentially, it’s about not putting all your eggs in one basket.

One of the most significant advantages of diversification is its ability to mitigate risk. Different asset classes, such as stocks, bonds, and real estate, tend to react differently to the same economic events. For instance, when stock markets experience a downturn, bonds often perform better as they are considered safer investments. By holding a mix of assets, you can potentially offset losses in one area with gains in another, smoothing out the overall performance of your portfolio.

Diversification not only helps in managing risk but also has the potential to enhance returns. By investing in a variety of assets, you tap into different growth opportunities. While some investments might underperform, others may experience significant growth, contributing positively to your portfolio’s overall performance.

During periods of economic uncertainty, such as recessions, geopolitical tensions, or pandemics, markets can become highly unpredictable. In such times, a diversified portfolio is more likely to weather the storm. For example, during the COVID-19 pandemic, while certain industries like travel and hospitality suffered, others such as technology and healthcare thrived. Investors with diversified portfolios could benefit from the growth in these sectors even as other parts of their portfolios faced challenges.

When diversifying, it’s crucial to strike a balance. Over-diversification can dilute potential returns, while under-diversification can leave you vulnerable to market swings. A well-balanced portfolio considers your risk tolerance, investment goals, and time horizon. For instance, a younger investor might lean more towards stocks for higher growth potential, while someone nearing retirement might prioritize bonds or cash for stability.

Diversification is not a one-time task but an ongoing process. Working with your Certified Financial Planner® professional to regularly review and rebalance your portfolio can help to ensure that it continues to align with your investment objectives and risk tolerance. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. Rebalancing involves adjusting your portfolio to maintain your desired level of diversification.

Diversification is a fundamental principle of sound investing, particularly during uncertain times. By spreading investments across various assets and regions, investors can mitigate risks, seize growth opportunities, and navigate market volatility more effectively. While no strategy can completely eliminate risk, diversification provides a robust framework for building a resilient investment portfolio that can help withstand the ups and downs. 

Stephen Kyne, CFP® is a Partner at Sterling Manor Financial, LLC in Saratoga Springs.

Sterling Manor Financial, LLC is an SEC Registered Investment Advisor and does not provide tax or legal advice, nor is it a third-party administrator. Consult your attorney or accountant prior to implementing any tax or legal strategies.

by Kate Morna Towne

“Mothering Boys”

Not only am I the mom of four former middle schoolers and one current middle schooler, but I’ve been teaching middle schoolers this year as well. I have been reminded of this article — which I wrote almost ten years ago — many times over the last few months and thought it might be helpful for some of you as well.

I read recently about two recent studies that focused on parenting middle schoolers (sixth- through eighth-graders) — one found that parents (especially mothers) of middle schoolers are more stressed than at any other time of their parenthood; the other said that parents’ confidence in their parenting abilities declines during the middle school years.* 

I hadn’t gone looking for information about parenting a middle schooler — an article discussing the two studies popped up in my Facebook newsfeed — but I felt like it made a little more sense of some things that have been going on here.

My two oldest boys are in this age range — one will be entering middle school next year, the other is going into seventh grade — and until this summer I’d been reveling in all the positives this new age brings. I watched my oldest boy navigate sixth grade last year — the first year of middle school for our whole family — and I was blown away by the huge, marked increase in independence in his academics and his real interest in and love for volunteering and community service, as well as increasingly interesting and fun conversational skills. I was already seeing those things when he stepped it up even more when my mother-in-law fell ill this past February — every Saturday for the last two months she was alive, my son tended to his grandmother by reading to her, washing dishes, staying out of the way if needed, and generally being a companion to my husband, who spent the entirety of every Saturday caring for his mom. My boy never complained, and seemed to really understand how important it was that he give his best.

But despite some really lovely behavior outside the house, my kids have always been prone to letting their standards slide when they’re in the comfortable environment of home. When my oldest was a toddler I remember asking the pediatrician why he was so well behaved outside the house and so hard to handle inside it? He told me then that it was because my son was comfortable at home — that we’d succeeded in creating the safe environment we always wanted our home to be for our kids, and so our boy knew that no matter how badly he behaved, we’d still love him. The first half of this summer was sort of like the middle-school equivalent of that, and I was so taken off guard that I wasn’t quite sure what to do. For better or worse, my gut reaction for every kind of bad behavior is to crack down, dole out punishments, and restrict privileges, with the goal of nipping bad behavior in the bud as quickly as possible. But not only did my usual course of action not seem to be working, I wasn’t even sure that it was the right approach in general. I’d seen in the last year the beginnings of the emergence of a man where my little boy had once been. I’d seen goodness and honor and integrity of a more mature kind showing itself. My way of dealing with small children seemed, all of a sudden, somewhat inappropriate for this fast-growing, quickly maturing young man.

What to do? About halfway through the summer, I felt that I’d had more than enough. I was at my wit’s end, I was tearing my hair out, I was yelling, I was crying … and then the most amazing thing happened! Just when I felt like things couldn’t possibly get worse (don’t laugh, you parents of older kids! I do know it can get worse), things all of a sudden got better. Like, a thousand times better. One hundred and eighty degrees better. 

All of a sudden, he started putting forth real effort to be patient with his brothers. To be accommodating to the ways in which I need things to run for smooth, peaceful days. To be self-sufficient and even proactive — he told me, for example, that for my birthday he was going to clean the front room. Cleaning and similar daily chores were one of the things we butted heads about the most at the beginning of the summer, and here he was, telling me he was going to do it on his own? Without prodding, pleading, or threatening? I admit I thought, “We’ll see,” and for the next week I did just that — I watched how every day he spent huge chunks of time doing the deepest of deep cleans. When it was done, we had a room that was immaculate — clutter-free, clean, cozy. Then he decided to move on to one of the bathrooms. Then I needed the other bathroom cleaned and asked if he would help me with it, and not only did he say yes right away, but he did more than what I asked.

The last half of this summer has kind of been like a dream! And I’ve made sure to tell him, as many times as I think of it, how grateful I am for all his attempts at helpfulness and self-control and good humor.

I’m not really sure what to expect going forward, which seems to basically be the idea with the middle-school age. The Wall Street Journal article that discussed the two studies described it thusly: “The turbulence that hits sixth- through eighth-graders often begins with the onset of puberty, bringing physical changes and mood swings.”* Turbulence, changes, mood swings, indeed.

I totally get it — I’m sure we all can, if we remember back to our own middle-school days. Remembering it’s not easy on the kids either is helpful! But I do know I’m encouraged by what I’ve seen so far, and the next time we hit a rough patch (as I’m sure you more experienced parents know will happen), I’ll spend a lot of time sitting in my clean front room trying to remember all the good things middle school can bring.

*Luther and Ciciolla. “What it feels like to be a mother: Variations by children’s developmental stages.” Dev Psychol. 2016 January; 52 (1): 143–154, and Glatz and Buchanan. “Change and Predictors of Change in Parental Self-Efficacy from Early to Middle Adolescence.” Dev Psychol. 2015 October; 51 (10): 1367-1379 as discussed in Shellenbarger, Sue. “Mom’s Middle-School Blues.” The Wall Street Journal. May 17, 2016; available at http://www.wsj.com/articles/moms-middle-school-blues-1463505537. 

Kate and her husband have seven sons ages 20, 18, 16, 14, 13, 10, and 6. Email her at kmtowne23@gmail.com.